"The only thing stupider than a self-absorbed, narcissistic artist is the person who prides himself on his lack of culture. Both have missed the point badly."
Dr. Cleavenger
changedfish- gotta love the humanities

Ohio has the flavor of a water chestnut
It's not too crazy and it's not the best but
We're not setting forest fires just out of boredom
I'd rather see a movie if in fact I can afford one

Cause a small town is like a small stage
For teenagers and their drama
Instead of playing shows, we'll be showing plays
Like 90210 without the beverly hills
changedfish- lo the rumor mill

it was a really domestic night for me.
after a rousing trip to walmart i came back to my dorm and hung my pictures- which included hammering those little metal things into the back of the frame, so i looked real cool pounding on this frame outside my unit for like 10 minutes- then i sewed up our curtains- we finally got the second curtain so i sewed it, but not as wonderfully as the first one, it took FOREVER by hand, why does no one bring a sewing machine to college?-that was pretty much it in the domestic area, unless studying counts, and looking for cheap books online- if those count then i did those things as well. UGH it's getting hectic already lol. ok not really but it's going to be a LOT of reading. which i pretty much knew that already, i mean that's how college classes work, but having to read for the second class is frustrating when you're still trying to get ahold of the books. but it's all good, i've got at least enough books to get me through the week haha. and plus now my room looks decorated-ish (it's pretty caddie wompus but oh well) and my window has both sides of curtains. ugh, i have to go now, because i still have like 7 pages left to read for christian life and thought, a giant "love note" email to read for intro to humanities and a one page "who are you?" to finish for comp..and it's already 10 pm! ugh
changedfish- i'm a big girl now

i've decided you're generally interested in those you spend the most time with. now that may sound like a really dumb and obvious statement to make- and you're probably thinking that it's more like you spend the most time with those your interested in-but hear me out chicken/egg'ers.
i don't mean friends wise, i mean romantically. it jsut seems that convienience weighs out over standards, similarities, even morals. it's somewhat ridiculous but i find it's true in my own life. i tend to be attracted to those i'm around the most. just simply because i knwo them fairly well so then i feel like well i could see myself with them on a one on one basis, i mean obviously i get along with them and we're similar people right? but i've found that sometimes you need to realize that some people are put in your life to be your FRIEND and that six letter word is an amazing thing. friendship can be so fantastic if you don't mess it up thinking all these thoughts that you're trained to think but don't really actually think. i mean truly many of the guys that i look at and say 'sure i could date him' are my friends, guys that i trust and admire and respect and enjoy hanging otu with and that should definately be on my criteria list but at the same time i don't honestly think that me dating them would be a good idea. they're my brothers, my FRIENDS! and it's not about mutual feelings taht we don't act on becasue we dont' want to ruin the friendship like some lame teen sitcom it's just one of those things where society and my friends and influences tell me that i MUST have a "crush" that i MUST like someone as more than my friend that if a guy is my friend then he MUST be a good boyfriend candidate..and well frankly i think that's bogus. now i do think that if you are going to date he should be your best friend adn such, i mean i think that makes a good marriage. you should have outside friends but that person should be someone that is really close to you. but that friendship has to be built you dont' have to hit on your existing friends! that's just silly.
so basically what i'm saying is go for more than just convenience. realize that it's ok if you're not interested in someone all the time. set high standards and don't compromise them. and above all- enjoy your friends and don't try to complicate things!
changedfish- oy

roommate = love
can i just say hallelujah? can i get an amen for an awesome roommate? i mean seriously she's so easy to get along with, she has friends already on campus, she will hang out with me, and share stuff with me and yadda...i mean it's not like she's my new best friend or anything but i'm just so happy not to be sitting alone in my room reading! not that i had doubts i'd make friends, just some worries i wouldn't get along with my roommate. ah, we giggle, we stay up late doing the same things...and yet we have our aloneness too, i mean we can be in the room together and doing seperate things but we can also be doing the same thing. we totally went walmart shopping and got a rug and curtains and a closet curtain thing..funny that we only ended up with one window curtain though..so i totally sewed it up so it was shorter and then oh funny we only had one- but it was all good! ah, and then there's the moment when she's "napping" and says "hey melanie you wanna hear something funny" and i said "no" (see cuz in my mind i was thinking "know something funny?" and no i didn't know something funny but yes i would like to know something funny...so yea...it was great)
anyhow..that's enough love for miss jessica
changedfish- is that rocket summer? -can i get a what what?

i love ohio, ohio, ohio (sense the echo?)
it's pretty crazy, but i'm HERE! i'm in my dorm room right now. i'm pretty much all moved in (sans the one lost suitcase that should arrive tomorrow) but i'm actually rather proud of myself, i thought i majorly overpacked but i only minorly overpacked (i still overpacked, but i'm only sending a very small amount of my things back home with my parents)
i'm quite an apathetic person so for me to explain any sort of emotion associated with this major move and change in my life would be pretty hard. i mean i dunno it really hasn't been that overwhelming since i've gotten here. it was really leaving that was hard, not arriving, this part is ya know new and kind of odd and different but it's no where near as overwhelming as packing up my entire life and leaving all my friends and family 7 states away (yes 7..em counted).
i dont' really know what to say, my roommate seems really cool, i doubt we'll have any problems getting along. i mean it seems like it was kind of stressfull for her when she got here, i was worried she would be like scared to stay but she seems fine now. she knows people that go here so it's a lot easier..plus she's only 8 hours away...that'd be like if i went to college at azusa. i was actually kind of glad she knew people because now at least i'll have people to hang out with at first, whether or not i'll find new or more friends is debatable but i figure it's not bad to start out with some names and faces. and it was nice having people in the dorm all day. i mean i got here like 2 hours earlier than she did, so i was almost completely settled in before she got here, so having people in the room and all over and stuff was totally fine, not annoying, because i felt settled and calm..now if there would've been people in there while i was unpacking- i would'a been mad haha...i even made my parents go on a little walk because i just needed to think and not talk- i know, me not talk, but seriously, sometimes people need to organize thoughts. the room's still a little chaotic and needs some more unpacking and organizing, but we've made definate progress...it's hard to figure stuff out sometimes.
well i have to go get ready-ish for this early arrivers get together thing...i don't actually know what it's all about but i think it's basically gonna be some get-to-know-ya games and stuff..or heck maybe they'll jsut let us meet our own new friends haha. but i'm all good now, i've made some phone calls to home, unpacked, and got my computer set up enough to listen to my summer 06 mix while aim'ing and blogging...now that's more like home!
changedfish- changes aplenty

i should be packing...
but it's weird- and hard- to do so. i mean you think all you need to pack is like clothes, but then you're thinking, well and then bathroom stuff and school supplies and cds and books and decorations for your room and sheets and pillows and all the little things that you dont even realize you use everyday until you start thinking about what you'll need. it's just so overwhelming!
well and once you get your organized list and figure out what to pack then you have the task of figuring out what to do with that which you leave behind. is it something you're going to need again? if so then where do you store it so that your room still looks presentable as a guest room. and then you're thinking to yourself, when i come back in three years am i really going to want my corsage from prom? the answer is probably not, but the idea of throwing away sentimental mementos like that kind of makes my stomach flop...why should i have to make all these decisions now? can't i just kind of wait until i move back and realize how useless it all is? can't i just leave my room as it is, kind of messy and cluttered but utterly me? and the answer is no, no because putting off till tommorrow what you could have done today is not the answer.
ugh, i just, i'm so nervous about this whole thing and i think somewhere psychologically deep down i don't want to pack because i know that that means it's real, if i see my room all empty and bare am going to realize that i'm really going, that i actually have to do this, adn that idea frightens me to my very core. whether i want to admit it or not.
Jessica was right (my new roommate). she was talking about how she didn't really want to email me or call me back and all because that means that it's real, and recognizing that you actually have a roommate- well that's craziness! and she only lives a few hours by car.
i know i'll make friends and fit in and love it and all, but i just know that there'll be some transition time, some moments of uncertainty, some periods of awkwardness...i mean i'm supposed to be sharing a room about the size of the den i'm typing in right now, with a person i've never even met- that i've barely even corresponded with!
i know what you're thinking, thousands of students do it each year- yea yea, blah blah, but those thounsands of students aren't ME!
i'm going to miss the familiarity of this town. people know me here, and i them. i can drive almost anywhere with out directions, and when i get there i know where i am haha. i feel comfortable goign to raley's without makeup in my workout clothes and even if i run into someone i know (which i so very often do) it's ok, because i KNOW THEM and they already know what i look like lol...what happens when you know no one- you have to try and make your best impression at all times and everything and it's like people you don't even know! i mean honestly i don't know if i can look good and smile and be nice and funny and likeable 24/7 until they get to know me lol....i want so badly to be accepted but at the same time i want to be accepted for me and not the faux persona that i sometimes end up portraying. i dont' want to come on too strong but my personality- well it IS too strong haha.
changedfish- packing up and preparing to embark on the journey of a lifetime...oh crap where are my panties?

O. HOW TO ROCK OUT

When stuck in snow or on ice, you can rock out. Make sure the front tires are straight. Start slowly in a low gear. Accelerate gently when the tires grip, then shift to neutral. Brake when you reach the limit of travel even if it is only a few inches. Shift rapidly into reverse and go back until your wheels start to spin. Shift back to a lower gear and repeat movement in a rapid succession. Time the movement to make use of the rocking momentum. You will gain distance on each repetition and rock your way out.

changedfish- courtesy of late nights and traffic101.com

written at camp- typed later (you know cuz i actually WROTE it at camp.."no electrOnic deevices")

Funny that the more God teaches me about being a woman of God, the more He teaches me about submission. being submissive has never been something i'm good at- leading is more my thing.
i always focused on what he (my future husband) should be for me, not on what i should be for him.
i think this summer had to happen to me, to show me how not-ready i am. how ready now i am to wait patiently. that right guy IS there- God's preparing him for me- but i guess i needed a pitfall to realize that i can't answer my own prayers.
some things only experience can teach you, sometimes you have to fall to land on your knees. odd how i had the right idea- how i knew i wasn't ready and allowed myselfr to anyway. taught me to trust my instincts- God's instincts
it hasn't been an emotional year or a revival of any kind, but more of a rebuilding, a strengthening, a returning- maybe it will stick harder.

changedfish- ps misha NO i did not lose my virginity you crazy!

what is with all these people my age getting married and/or having babies?

honestly i think i'm as mature as the next kid but i would NOT be ready to start a family at my age. i know people have done it for centuries but goodness how hard is it to start a life with someone at this age. you're still trying to figure out who you are and now you ahve to figure out how to be who you are and how to be who they need and to mesh your lives together and be a wife or a mother...and i just think how can they do it?
some people have to grow up fast, unexpected pregnancy- it happens, adn i get that but holy cow, how do you decide to keep it? i would be scared out of my mind, i wouldn't be ready to be responsible for a persons life, and i'm not talking about the baby part- i think i can hold a crying infant without dropping it- i'm talking about being a mother, an actual mother. babies grow up, your child isn't always a baby soon it's 2 and then 7 and then 14 and what do you do? you're hardly an adult and now you have to be a parent- whoolly cow mama!
and ok so let's just say it's not an accedent, let's say you're married- what the heck, you're still in your teens, i mean honestly i know that people did it all the time but i feel like i'm too young to be graduated from high school, and WAY to immature to go away to college, but to think of getting married, starting a family, why that just makes me shake. heck i'm so afriad of meeting the right man right now, i've been so worried all this time about getting mixed up with the wrong ones that now i'm like blindsided at the thought of finding the right one- sure it's great, and love must be wonderful but do you know how hard it is to be with a person forever? divorce isn't in my plans baby girl, and learning to live with a person day and night for the rest of my life- making his sandwich for work and buying a house, having a family, it seems like there should be a preperatory class of some sort, cuz i know i'm gonna screw it up.
sure marriage sounds like fun when you think of finding that one person you could spend forever with and a wedding and a honeymoon but think of 30 years of marriage and all the mistakes and the issues you have to deal with day to day, the mortgage and disciplining the children right and making sure the dishes get done every night, it's just like how do people do it? how do people MY AGE expect to handle all that...i know i couldn't (which is probably why God hasn't landed me the right one yet...cuz He knows i'd flip out lol)

so basically i would like to congratulate all of you teen mothers and wives...you must be truly strong-changedfish

You used to not know better. Now that you do- it's your responsibility to do what's right.

Don't fake ignorance, don't claim naivity.

Knowing what's right and doing what's right- there's a difference!

If you know what is wrong and do it anyway is it any worse than knowing what's right and not doing it?

changedfish-can't stop addicted to the shindig