NYC in 5...4...3...2...1...

k so i just got back from camp...that's seriously the best place ever u know that? i mean really like all of the counselors and staff and everyone they're just so amazing, they're nice and funny and most of the time even witty and sarcastic...and yea ok so i am the youngest and i tell the lamest jokes but i never feel left out or disliked by anyone. i mean really it's like my favorite place ever...i can't believe they're paying me to be there! uh, it's just amazing. i thank God for each second i'm there...that's how great it is..i wish that everyone could come up there and see it and just experience all the wonderful people but if everyone was there it would lose all the close-knit-ness of just the several of us up there... i had been thinking that maybe i wouldn't try to take up a conselor spot next summer and all because i dunno why just so i could do lame summer stuff but now oh now that i'm up there it's just so different and i wish i could be up there longer and never leave...it's truly a home away from home that really feels like home, i mean i don't know many places where i'm comfortable just walking into the fridge and eating or just going off and doing whatever...i mean it's just one of my favorite places on earth and i can't say it enuf and i know it's pointless to try to explain because no one could ever understand that hasn't been there. i think it really is the people up there...leslie and i were talking about that the other nite, about the fellas up there...like they're just such amazing good christian boys that ur not worried about anything, they're not flirting with you or up there for that reason at all and they'll play crazy tag games with u and do dishes next to u all day and at the end of the day still treat u like the lady taht u are...no matter what they are truly well bred, polite boys, and the girls are not up there for that reason either, they're wholesome, God loving, sweet singing ladies that are gorgeous even to a blind man. i mean they're all modest and for the most part don't wear any make up or spend much time on their apperance and i still look at them and think, my goodness if i could only be half as beautiful...it's just this glow about them that just shouts joy! omgsh....it's just great, from the counselors to the kitchen staff to the maintenance crew it's just an amazing staff...if there were awards for this kinda stuff each one of them would win all of them! o geez now i'm gushing...i just look forward to going back up there, i work in the kitchen next wed,thurs, fri and then i counsel the sun-wed and sun-fri after that. pray for me, seriously, because it can be draining and tiring and such as well because it's pretty go go go...but pray that i'll have the strength to measure up to the astounding people i'm working with and that i'll get to come back next summer!
changedfish- answer the call

all of the people with nothing to do and nothing to prove...

it's truly surprising how many people in this life seem one way when their life is really another, i mean it's crazy cuz i guess we're all so wrapped up in our own lives, and we think that all these things are happening to us and that are these terrible things, or we think that people should take notice of the tragedies in our lives, but when was the last time we stopped and took notice of someone else's life, of the problems our friends are facing each day, ever think that maybe their problems are a bit tuffer than urs? ever think that maybe someday they want you to notice that they're dying inside? sometimes i think i'm crazy because all i care about is others, but when it truly comes down to it i have no idea what other people are going through...i know that my life is peaches and creme, that's the way i like it thank you, and i know that i couldn't handle the live's that most of you lead, i couldn't handle it if i had a baby, i couldn't handle it if i didn't get along with my parents, i couldn't handle it if one of my close family members died, i couldn't handle it if i had more siblings, i couldn't handle a lot of the things that y'all go through every single day, and a lot of u think ur going through it alone, and some of u are going through it alone, and i couldn't handle going through anything alone! i mean if i didn't have my family, my friends, God, the general people around me that keep caring about me, that keep asking me how my day is going and making sure that i'm ok...i couldn't handle life with out all of the wonderful things in it...how do u do it? i admire u, that's right, i admire ur strength...no one knows the silent pain ur suffering, no one realizes what's going on with you, and maybe it's because they don't care, and maybe it's because u cover it well, but the point is i admire you for sticking it out through all the pain, through all the bad times, through all the days when the good times seem so far away, the times when all u want is someone to be there for you, all those times it seems like no one's there....i admire u for keeping ur life as together as it is...i admire you more than u'll ever know, because all i can do is be there for you, all i can do is ask u what's wrong, all i can do is offer to sit with you while u cry, all i can do is tell u that i love you, all i can do is share the love that God's shown me, and i know it's not enuf..but it's all i can do...
changedfish-this kind of love is blind too...

i believe...

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

changedfish- believe what u believe

the irony of my life

no really...God's funny....he's a funny funny guy, cuz u know what....it's freaking raining....

changedfish- good one!

and i don't wish it all away, because then my memories would disappear
and i don't wish it all away, because i want to have my memories.

changedfish- wishing wouldn't work anyhow

"so go do what u like, make sure u do it right...u can't go forcing something if it's just not right"

i'm really not bitter...sitting here, i'm not upset, and i don't know why, and i'm guessing i will be later, but at this moment the eyes are dry and the breaths are regular....so thanks for all we had, thanks for all u've done for me, thanks for being there for me when i needed someone, thanks for being honest with me, and telling me things i wanted to hear as well as things i needed to hear...thank you my first everything, for being that...for being my everything

changedfish..."it's ok we can still be friends"

El Campo es muy bien!

ok..so that really means the country is very good...but i meant camp is very good, i just don't know the spanish term for summer camp.
this years staff is great, i mean i can't think of any flaws or anything, we mesh really well and altho technically i'm the outsider it totally doesn't feel like it so i suppose i'm really not! lol...just the youngest and the fill-in conselor....
anyhow i went up for counselor training these past few days and ate good camp food and learned what to do if a child is drowning and sang neato songs w/hand motions (hip hip hip hippopotamus, hip hip hooray God made all of us....) i'm going to have a blast filling in up there this summer...i'm sooooo excited that i get that opportunity..maybe next summer i can spend all my time up there!
just so y'all know my summer schedule, i'm off camp this week but i go up the 18th for CEF camp and then jet down early on teh nite of the 21 so i can leave for NYC on the 22, get back the 27th and go back up to camp on the 28th morning, i'll be there until july 1st nite and go back up the 3rd afternoon, return on the 6th night and go back up the 10th afternoon, return the 15th and camp is done, but i'll be joining my parents in lake almanor sometime that week and returning sometime around the 22....after that i think i'm home for the rest of the summer unless i can figure out how to work high school camp or discipleship camp into my schedule w/o making too big of waves. i'm already missing waterski camp and most likely VBS so i'm kinda hoping i'll get to do SOMETHING with my youth group this summer...they'll start missing me, i just know it haha.
wow so that's prolly more boring info than anyone ever wanted to read through, but if u made it to the bottom then bravo, and perhaps u'll make plans to play with me on my breaks...summer is awesome! whoot...love y'all
changedfish- that's COUNSELOR fish to you!

YOUR MOM!

there are times when ur mom jokes just don't work...especially when someone accuses you of sexual harrasment..but that's beside the point...there are times when ur mom jokes just don't work
for instance when someone does not have a mother...not a good idea to use a ur mom joke to a person who has lost their mother for one reason or another....
or for example when the person's mom is in the room..somehow a come back of "ur mom's stupid!" just doesn't quite have a good effect when their mother is sitting right there...
also, when ur given some sort of romantic comment...often times this is not the time to bring up the boys mother...no one wants to be thinking of any ones mother at this time...we hope

if you feel the urge to answer something with a witty "ur mom" comeback but it is just not appropriate to use, try these: your dog! your grandma! your duck! or just inverse the comment back to them..."that's stupid- YOUR stupid"...if it's a compliment revert it back to urself "that's hott- YEA i am!"
if these things fail you, i have no advice for you, and u are a helpless human being who should not be allowed to use witty retorts such as "ur mom"
changedfish- ur MOM's a fish!

Pretty In Pink
watched that today/night at stef's (by the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY..even tho it's technically over now.) and seriously it's crazy because we're sitting there the whole time rooting for duckie even tho we know he's gonna fail, and we keep yelling at the tv how much hotter duckie is anyhow than the stupid blain kid, and how much of a jerk the steph guy is and then she goes and chooses blain anyhow, and it's killing duckie cuz he's so in love with her but she does it anyhow, because duckie's a nice enuf guy to let her go...and i got to thinking like who's my duckie? and who's my blain? and who's my steph? and altho i'm really nothing like molly ringwald, i'm slightly like andie in that i made my prom dress and so did she...but her's was kind of hideous...i dunno it was slightly weird for me to be sitting there thinking about who my duckie was but i dunno i'm sure we were all thinking about it...or something along the lines of wishing we freaking had a duckie cuz he was so precious and that singing dancing sequence...soo priceless..we all decided that we'd give pretty much anything to wake up to that every morning (who knows why we thot of that waking us up rather than any other time of the day to watch it but i think it was all tori's idea haha) i don't really know what my point was, it just was fun to kick back w/the gals and watch some molly ringwald flicks..even tho she was only good looking in breakfast club (poor girl, they kept making her look ugly!) so thanx ladies, and if i have any takers on a duckie impersonator...let me know! haha j/k
changedfish- ducks and fish...practically a match made in heaven

resperators aren't alive for a reason...

"but someone is gonna get cut out at some point"....yea.....i am....

changedfish-there's nothing to say

T-u-e-s-d-a-y night live!

that was fun! i had TNL tonite, (drama final) and it was muy interesante...there were some good scenes and some not-as-great ones and i was in quite a few myself...i was excited, cuz usually i feel stupid and like no one would want me in their scene but this year 3 other groups besides mine asked me to camio so that was great! i don't even know why i felt the need to memorialize it on papel but i was just excited and needed to fill space so...vuteva!
changedfish-p-e-r-p-e-n-d-i-c-u-l-a-r