uuurrrggghaah!
gosh ya no, most things aren't that hard to avoid if u don't think about it...u know like if u don't eat an apple or think about eating one, then u don't really feel like eating one, but once someone's like "man that apple looks good" it's all you can do NOT to eat that apple, it calls to you, like 'eat me, i'm a yummy apple" and ur just sitting there staring at it going SHUT UP U STUPID STUPID APPLE!
i mean when i'm not eating apples i totally forget they even exsist, like it's just not a food i crave naturally, i'm fine with out apples, who needs apples? it's that x-factor ya no...it's that mention or the sight or thot that creeps up out of no where, or if u just all of a sudden decide not to eat apples...THEN it's hard not to eat'em....
o gosh, this analagy has run away with it's self...but don't act like u don't know what i mean..cuz y'all've got to get it!
changedfish- now i want an apple...dangit!

ok, whoa whoa...

it's weird, ya no, how some people and some things can be SO important during certain times in ur life and then once that period is over it's like those people or things are just all of a sudden not so drastically important anymore...and it's not like they don't matter, or you forget why they were so important it's just...all of a sudden they're non-essentials..and u can't figure out why, why so suddenly it doesn't matter as much, or why in such a small period or time ur priorities somersault....
but u know what's worse...is when it's u that doesn't matter any more..is when someone so important to you has phased you out and you don't even realize it...until suddenly u do, and it's clear that u've faded into their background, and now u have to fade them as well..and sometimes you don't want to let them go..but once they don't need you, u don't have much of a choice..
and sometimes it's an event or an activity and so it's not as emotional..but u still miss it, and u often think, wow maybe i should revisit that, but u know in ur heart and mind that it just wouldn't be the same...that thing or person has served it's purpose in ur past and now it's meant to be a memory, and u can (and sometimes you need to) force urself to put that in ur past, force urself not to do that thing or talk with that person because they aren't necessary anymore, and at times it's better to let something go while it's relatively intact, than to hold onto it so tightly that it crumbles and u really have nothing left...
i'd like to preserve my past if taht's alright with you...i'd like to preserve it the way u preserve things in a museum, you leave them be. you let them be as they are, frozen forever in time...and that's how my past should stay...u don't go through a museum and pick up the things and play with them do you? (even if u want to..u don't) so that's my point...sometimes what's best isn't always whats the most enjoyable, but u know it's for the best...
so here's to my past...cuz it was great, and as it gets larger adn larger i know taht my museum of memories will be visited often, but also, well preserved!
changedfish- cheers to the dinosaurs

it's stuck in my head, what can ya do?

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all i've done.

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Anywhere from here

Light up, Light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
It makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear.

Ahh the joys of being a "good kid"

so pretty much i'm an uber lame-o and was totally not paying attention as i was driving through my neighborhood this morning and got a stupid ticket! i was seriously upset, cuz i've never gotten one, and the officer was super rude about it and did not act very nice! and to top it off i'm sitting there thinking, not only do i have to pay a zillion dollars but i have to tell my parents about this...and i'm like NOO..what am i gonna do, i mean are they gonna be mad, how do i convince them i'm really a good child and i really just wasn't thinking or paying attention ya no..so all day i'm like not just planning how i'm gonna tell them but plotting how i can make it sound as good as possible or how i can present it so that i won't get shot...so i get home and of course my parents aren't just sitting there, o no, i had to continue thinking about the incident all nite until dinner and then when i finally prep them by telling them what a good child they have and i tell them about the ticket..they're totally ok with it..like pretty much it was like, welp ur responsible, u've got money, sucks for u but we're not mad...u can imagine my relief, and at the same time the annoyance that i'd been twitching about it all day and they just totally were like, it's ok, it happens, we're sorry u didn't just get a warning, u wanna do traffic school or not?..ahh!haha so pretty much the moral of the story is, if ur a good kid and u at least try not to be defiant and please ur parents, then at certain times (and with certain parents) u can soften the blow a bit..

A hard lesson to learn: life in a nutshell

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

The world has turned and left me here
Just where I was before you appeared.
And in your place an empty space
Has filled the void behind my face.

cleansing

i've now officially cleaned out all my old school papers, cleaned my room, done almost all my laundry, deleted all my useless "friends" from myspace, deleted all the old screen names off my aim, and msn, and i'm about to shower....it's been quite teh cleansing couple of days (well i did most today, cept the papers..did that sunday/monday)

summer was crazy great this year and i have a feeling my school year is gonna rock as well..it's just crazy how all of a sudden things are going well, and i can't exactly figure out why that is or why it's happening to me, because i mean i know it's not a deserving thing, it's not like i've paid my dues or become a saint, life's just been good lately, and i mean even things that perhaps weren't peachy haven't really ruffled my feathers in the long run...it's crazy! plus my braces come off in a week, so i'm just ecstatic about that! i'm totally gonna have a party or something like that.

actually i sort of have a theory that good's and bad's come in groups...i mean it's not some technically study, but it seems to me that when it rains-it pours. but when it's sunny- it's hott (and that's a metephore..u caught it right)
i don't even know what to say right now because i'm way used to writting when i'm upset, but i'm not upset, so i dunno what to do with myself...i mean the only tear-jerker in my life at the moment is all those jetting off to college, but it's crazy, cuz i'm just so excited and happy for them and just so proud that they get to do all of that, that i can't be all that upset, cuz i know this is an awesome opportunity for all of them..and for those that are sticking around and going to shasta with me i'm uber happy about htat too, i keep seeing people on campus that i know, it's way crazy-go-nuts!

changedfish- wasn't my phone supposed to ring tonite?