I dont need you at all, not one bit, I just NEED you to NEED me....I have to be needed... --rosie has the funnest quotes, changedfish

A Whole Different World
Your pictures in my binder and canvassing my bulletin board,
your numbers in my yearbook, my address book and my cell phone,
your voice, your laughter rings in my ear
your smile, your face imprinted in my mind
I can feel your arms around my waist, if I just shut my eyes
i'm insane
...But no one knows I think these things of you...And I like that
because in my fantasy world you won't say no
and in my own mind I can say anything I want
and in my own mind I get to choose your responses
...So don't burst my bubble, let me think my thoughts, don't think i'm a freak, because u live in a whole different world, and I just want to be there w/u--changedfish

i hope you never read this, and i'm sure my wish will be granted, because even if u do, u won't know this is for u, it's just a poem, it means nothing to me, don't flip a lid, or have a cow, neither of those things r attractive lol...but i do have special places for you in my mind,

so now u think im ugly like i dont have enough to worry about, now you think im ugly which magazine did u read so you could judge me now?-i like that kels

welp, school's calmed down a BIT...i can handle it, and everyone's settling down...altho life is still stressful i'm getting used to it, and realizing that i'm busy and stressed cuz i have a life! if i wasn't busy all the time, life would be lame and boring! so...i like it this way! and i have a good life so, i can appreciate it! i had a busy weekend tho, i like to do almost nothing on the weekends cuz it's relaxing, but i also like to catch up w/ non-fhs friends so....i dunno..win/lose situation
uhhhhmmm... i've decided i like to be odd, u no i mean i don't like to be all cool and do everything like everyone else, it's more fun for me to run around campus screaming (well maybe not THAT extreme but...) than to sit in my corner and look cool (which is impossible for me anyhow so i look just as lame) but wutev..it was just sort've a thot i had...this will be a short post for now, cuz i gotz to study for chem...nite changedfish

i'm going nuts!
i'm sooo stressed out! aahh! i mean it's only been 3 days of school so i should just wait before i make the blanket statement i'm about to make, and that is that i'm going to die (not literally) in these classes, it's like each class alone is fine but by 7th period i'm so stressed and twitchy that i can't even concentrate and that class is like my hardest one and AAHH! and i don't want to drop any of them because i feel like maybe it was just the first week and i'm over exagerating but still the other part of me thinks if i drop it now i won't have to worry about having a hard transition later..so i dunno, besides the classes business school's been fun, i like seeing people and socializing haha and ya it's HOTT outside but it's fun to be on campus again!
other frustration, this car business, i totally have it, and i totally don't, i mean i can drive an automatic just fine, but this stick thing, it's like half of the time i'm totally fine and the other half i'm SOO stressed out and going crazy! i think if i could just get in there alone w/o everyone trying to "help" me i'd be fine, but O NO! haha nehow...enuf of my whining...changedfish

the needed one
If one day you feel like crying...
Call me.
I don't promise that I will make you laugh,
But I can cry with you
If one day you want to run away--
Don't be afraid to call me.
I don't promise to ask you to stop...
But I can run with you
If one day you don't want to listen to anyone...
Call me.
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be very quiet
But if one day you call...
And there is no answer...
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps I need you.

scott that's sooo incredible! changedfish

The Frustrations of Today's Society, When Dealing W/Apparel!

Clothes aren't what they used to be

They dont seem to fit you and me

ANYMORE

Modesty is out the door

wanting what we've got and more is IN

yeah its in ya

They're saying

Dont ask why just wear what we say

You'll look like a model if you only obey

to get the attention just do what we say

Pay so much for clothes so small

was this shirt made for me or my doll?

Is this all I get?

I looked so hot but caught a cold

I was doing just what I was told

To fit in!

They're saying

Dont ask why just wear what we say

You'll look like a model if you only obey

to get the attention just do what we say

We're saying

Let's ask why dont wear what they say

Dont want to be a model they cant eat anyway

That kind of attention will fade with the day

So I'll stand up and say!

Clothes that fit are fine

wont show whats mine

dont change my mind

I'll be fine!

...changedfish

you don't know....
you don't know, you just don't get it, no one gets it! ok, so i'm sure a buncha people know and understand and get it, but somehow i haven't found or met any of them, and it's sure hard to get advice from someone you don't know yet! you can't do this to me, i mean come'on! you just don't get that we can't keep doing this, i just can't handle it! 4 months! 4 MONTHS! it took me, and now, now ur like, o well?!? no, no, no,....i just..aahhahakrreaguh i just don't know! this doesn't seem right in my head, but in my heart it can't be wrong, and i thot i would be strong, (excuse the rhyme) and in my head i am, i'm steel, i'm platinum for goodness sakes but my heart.....soft and gushy like a heart's supposed to be, and i can't take that, i won't do it, i just won't, i mean seriously it's not going to happen....rite? it shouldn't, rite? i don't even want to rite? that just makes sense, cuz it's better to regret something you did once than to regret something you repeated...problem is i dunno if i regret it totally... "sometimes people r put in your life to teach you something, and sometimes that's all they're there for" isn't that what u said? isn't that true?! so maybe that's all that it was...maybe it was just a lesson, an experience, to teach us something about life, about relationships, maybe it wasn't meant for something more, and if it is maybe we'll find that out later but for now...for now i can't do this, for now things need to stay the way they are, platonic and fun, i don't want to have to worry about this right now, i have other things going on, i'm busy, i mean heck i just got a car! lol and school starts and then things change anyhow...so u can't tell me things won't be different next week or next month, you can't tell me that things will be fine, and you can't assure me that this is the thing to do, because i'm not calm like that, things just don't work taht way w/me, and that's ok, but like u said about not waiting forever......i already didn't wait, and i know u won't wait......but that's ok... changedfish

it's not about forgiveness, it's not about time, it's not about the experiences, it's about other people. i frustrate myself sometimes. you know, i've realized something, that if u tell a story and ur all happy about it, others r happy about it, and if u tell a story and ur upset, others are upset, and if u tell a story as if it's bad, others think it's bad. sometimes i tell people things catering to the way i want them to react, most of the time because of my selfish nature and it worx out better for me....problem is, once i get them thinking one way, it's hard to :beep:beep:beep: reverse it up and think differently, and when i change my mind it's easy and i do it often but to change others is not so easy. it's hard to tell people one thing one way and then change it around and tell them pretty much the same thing, another way....i tell you all things about people, and sometimes i'm right on, and sometimes i'm not, if u take all i say to heart and truly believe it as fact, then i'm sorry, i don't want everyone to think i'll never change my mind, that i won't take back what i've said, i don't mind eating my words, so to speak, as long as it's for good reason, and i don't know if this is a good reason yet, i don't know if the facts have changed, i have to figure it out for myself, and until i do, you'll all just have to be confused, bottom line is i don't tell y'all everything, i'm allowed to pick and choose what i say, and what i don't and somethings i say i shouldn't have and vice versa, but i guess, i'm strong enuf, confident enuf, now to figure things out on my own and w/God's help, and i think that sometimes that's better. aw geez, changedfish

SUMMER...
is the place i love to be!
i love the people here,
i love how the sun shines,
i love how the winter crowds stay away,
and i love how love shines in so many eyes!

i love the places i go,
i love the things i do,
i love everything!

i love how it smells here,
i love the way it looks here,
i love summer,
summer is the place to be!

little poem to get u in the summery mood before the school year rips the sun away, muahahaha, changedfish

the truth of the matter is....
Just maybe
You need this
And I didn’t mean to
Lead you on
You were everything I wanted
But I just can't finish what I've started
There’s no room left here on my back
It was damaged long ago
Though you swear that you are true
I still pick my friends over you

i love my friends, and thats all i need for now.....changedfish

well, u may be thinking, whoa did she just drop off the face of the earth? did she dissappear and not tell anyone? what's the deal, where'd the posts go? welp, a lot has happened actually so u'd betta have time to read it all...
first i went to summer camp for a week like the 25-30 or something of july, and that was sooo much fun, omgsh, i love my whole youth group, and everyone else that was at camp, they are so nice and they make u feel all included and they really do enjoy spending time with you, and if that weren't enuf (since it's church camp) you get these awesome messages about the Lord, and this year's, i think, was my favorite because it wasn't all charasmatic, i'm-on-my-high-horse style it was comfy and informational and when i got home it wasn't such a let down, it was awesome cuz they taught on things that matter to me and my generation and they talked a lot about family and dating and stuff that u just need to hear God's perspective on and i'm all excited about that, i was bummed to come home! BUUUT...when i got home
it was my b-day!! whoo hoo and i went to the DMV and got my liscense (well that little piece of paper thingy that u use until they mail the real one) and i had fun! the next day i had a party, which was awesome! i had soo much fun and i've realized that the Lord has blessed me more than i can ever imagine and i have the greatest friends in the whole world, and not everyone that i wished would've come, came, but it was awesome and i hope that everyone else had as much fun as i did...cuz it'd be a bummer if they all thot it was lame....nehoo
after that (toldja it would be long) the fam and i packed up and left town to take one last vaca before my sister ships of to sac, and that was...interesting (we came home a bit early but...well we were done) we went camping in the santa cruz mountains and did some shopping and went to the beach and one night my some of my cuzins and aunt and grandpa came down for dinner so that was fun, o yea and did i mention my family is now experts on paint-by-number? wow, nother story, but ya, now i'm home and my summer's just starting cuz see i've been taking summer classes all summer and now they're over and i'm home and i DRIVE!!! and i'm looking for people to play with! wow this has been one of the best summers ever! i mean i thot last summer was awesome w/my missions trip and all, but this entire year has just been so wonderful!
----------------------end of first part of my journal thing------------------------------
now is the part about my thots and everything deep and meaningful so if u got thro all the chit chat of the "this is what i did" then u get to this part, which some say is the interesting part, but others don't so....ya
summer's been just this time of reflection about this past year, and it's like i had soo much fun this year and so much happened and i'm worried about next year and that it won't be as good, or something and i dunno, it's just...i miss the way things were last year, i mean i can't even read my old blogs cuz i seemed soo happy, and it's like no matter how happy i am now it's not that bubbly, can't-keep-my-fingers-on-the-keys, just-gotta-scream, kind of excited and happy and then i decided that (like this song)
I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend
I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss the silly fights...
and so the song goes...but THEN i decided that it's not really that that i want...i mean i don't want what i had, i just want my friend back ya no? i dunno it's weird, and then i think about camp and how they were talking about dating and waiting and i heard that barlow girl song about waiting and ya...it's just such a wonderful thing to think about doing, ya no, waiting for the right guy before jumping into a relationship, i think i'd like to be friends w/a lotta people, i LOVE friends, and they make me soo happy, and i don't need all the drama of life, i just wanna have some good, clean fun! cuz that'd be...fun! lol
i love to blabber about stuff...i am really excited about school tho and it's comming way too soon, but it'll be fun to see people again and to get back into the rutine of things and i'm just all the way around excited but....well i was enjoying summer too, so....ya ...i dunno, wutev....i'm gonna stop rambling cuz i don't have anything else to say - changedfish