proberta tuff guys!
OMGSH y'all r never gonna believe who called me out of the blue this morning- TANK!! i get outta the shower and the phone rings, my mom answers and hands it to me w/that smile and goes "it's a boy" like she always has....so i had no idea who it was. i say my hello and he starts in about how i haven't talked to him in forever! and for like 5 mins i had NO CLUE who it even was! finally i realize it when he goes "anthony wants ur email address but i won't give it to him" and i'm just like o geez! luckily about 3 mins later his cell cuts out momentarily and i take this opportunity to hang up (i know it's harsh but what was i supposed to do??) when he called back i had my mom pick up and say i wasn't home haha...harsh, i know....he's only what 13 and all..but he's GOT to let me go! u can't keep crushing on the vacation bible school girl for ur entire life (haha lauren, prank calls when ur 30 and i married tank!)
nehow..just update'n u! muah,changedfish

don't feel like writting, i just want to close my eyes, but i'm not tired
don't feel like writting, i just wanna sing a song, but there's no melody
don't feel like writting, i just wanna read a book, but none of the titles seem classic
don't feel like writting, i just wanna eat some food, but nothing will fill my soul
don't feel like writting, i just wanna think out loud, but i can't hear my words through the silence
don't feel like writting, i just want the thots to be translated from my brain

translated thots- unplugged!

changedfish

Ecclesiastes 4:12
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.

"What Kinda Kiss R U?"

Romantic Kiss
Lying in bed after making love and just doing whatever.

I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore


Before you take a swing
I wonder
What are we fighting for
When I say out loud
I want to get out of this
I wonder
Is there anything I'm going to miss
I wonder How it's going to be
When you don't know me
How's it going to be
When you're sure I'm not there
How's it going to be
When there is no one to talk to, between you and me
'Cause I don't care
How's it going to be
How's it going to be
Where we used to laugh
There's a shouting match
Sharp as a thumbnail scratch
A silence I can't ignore
Like...
The hammocks by the doorway we spent time in
Swings empty, don't see lightning like last fall when it was
always
about to hit
me
I wonder how's it going to be when it goes down
Hows it going to be
When your not around
Hows it going to be
When you found out there was nothing
Between you and me
'Cause I don't care
How's it going to be.
Hows it going to be
When you don't know me any more
And how's it going to be
Want to get myself back in again
The soft dive of oblivian
Wanna taste the soul of your skin
The soft dive of oblivian
Oblivian
How's it going to be
When you don't know me any more
How's it going to be
How's it going to be

like the song! changedfish

rhetorical ?'s
haha u no what's funny, i use a lot of questions in this blog...like i was noticing in the last entry that i ask questions, and i'm really asking people ya no...but i guess i dont really want an answer more of an explaination...it's weird, i dunno i guess i should stop asking questions, esp. rhetorical questions cuz then people answer them, and why not i mean u did ask....well whatever...
youth group was good tonite, but kind of ironic, i mean we played murder in the dark and w/the recent stuff w/jennifer we all found it a bit odd....nehow..her funeral's tomorrow-i don't think i'll go, i thot about it, but i just didn't know her that well and it's almost disrespectful of me to go if i really didn't know her...i dunno multiple opinions on that but for me, i decided i'd better just not....i'll hear about it, and send my reguards w/others, i'm sure it will be very sad.....o gosh, it's not even real to me yet, it's really not, i mean sometimes u go wow that's weird but u still believe it...this is one that i'm having trouble excepting....nehow, changedfish

subconsciencely
u no how somethings u don't understand unless it's on paper? and then there's the things that confuse u unless u hear someone else say it. and those times when ur totally lost until u think things through for urself. and then there are things that u see in writting but u don't get it and someone explains it to u and u don't get it and then u think about it and u still don't get it, and ur thinking to urself "everyone else gets it, why am i so stupid!" that's how chem is to me...and it's SOO weird cuz i'm way passing that class (well a B- but still!) however math i've ALWAYS understood and now this year i STILL understand but it's like trying to make time to do all my h/w and study for all my tests and welp...i'm doing really bad..i might even get a difficiency-and it'd be my first one! i'm way bummed...and mr. lombard is a fruitcake! there was this new (very nice) guy that transferred from new york into that class and mr. L was so jerky to him that he transferred right out...i mean seriously he needs to find his line and not cross it-u DON"T make fun of students or any people...we're impressionable, and u need to lay off the coffee! my goodness he makes me mad...and he's NOT a christian i can tell u that, just the things he says...by golly i wish i had another option besides just him and ashurst...i LOVE mr. ashurst but i didn't learn much in his class so i figure i'd better not take it.
nehow...basically i started this whole thing off on a different note and wound up rambling about acedemics...it was supposed to be about something i read....i read it a while ago (well less than a week but...the day it was written) nehow..it's one of those things that u read and u don't quite get, u read and u don't quite understand, it's one of those things that u KNOW was put there especially for u, only for u, and yet has the tone of "i hope she never reads this"(like a baited hook...only the fisherman doesn't want to hurt the fish...i dunno) i mean..u knew i check it, u know i read those....y drop the line.....i ask u
changedfish-not quite speechless but close

wow..it's strange...when someone u barely knew....well they're gone.
Jennifer Swenson wasn't the center of attention, she wasn't the center of the high school social scene..but she was a special girl...gorgeous w/those julia roberts like lips and that smile so wide it could swallow u whole. she wasn't a loud girl but when she talked people listened, she was friendly and it showed by the people constantly surrounding her. in my breif contact with this girl i knew that she was a friend worth having, a girl well loved.....and now she's gone..?? i mean it's such a strange thing-death- it's so permanent but yet so surreal...u don't believe it, u can't fathom that she's not comming back...i mean she hasn't really been her full self for a few months now but it was still shocking to me to hear that it was truley real...i always thot she'd get over it, she'd get better like steve-o did and she would become an even better person because of it..but the Lord has his reasons, he wanted to spend time w/her as badly as we did.....i know she will be fine where she is...i'm not worried about her, i'm worried about those left behind her family and friends...her family esp. they didn't know the Lord like i feel she did and they are hurting bad....but i know that the Lord sometimes uses these hard situations to bring people to his side...i hope that's the case....
changedfish-stunned at the thot
Jennifer we love you! 11/14/04 #22 foreva!

Insult Etiquette- a lesson for beginners
it has come to my attention that people like to be insulting...and that is fine, i like to dish it out myself on occasion. however, i am also suddenly aware that they seem to not know the basics of polite insults. teasing is a way of making people feel included a way of making them feel like they belong, as well as getting out ur aggresions, but u have to still be some-what kind when doing so. there r 2 types of insults-down right mean insults, and friendly teasing insults
-if it's a friend i've found that it's best to insult them about something they don't actually have a problem with...for instance u don't call ur fat friend fat because that would obviously bother them...but u can make fun of a gorgeous person for being ugly because they know ur not serious
-now if u are really steaming and u wanna just lay into another person then go for it...but in that case u should only insult them w/things that r true and are going to hurt them...u see then u make fun of the stupid person for being stupid and the short kid for being short...but u do not throw out pointless comments that r not related to the subject and are not true, because then u end up looking stupid. the key to an effective insult is to get the upper hand, to be the intelligent one in the conversation, sometimes to confuse them w/big words and therefore stun them into a loss...it is not to cuss them out and get so overly passionate about hating them that u forget why ur yelling.
i'm not trying to be snobby and say that i'm better than u in any way, esp. not w/insulting and making fun of other people, because i'm sure u all have that down to an art, it is simply to make u aware of the etiquette ur father most likely didn't teach u (i think i may write a book lol)


y'all may be lost on my sudden intrest in educating america w/insult skills, which is not by any means my intension, but the reason i write is i got insulted, blatently bashed by a person i've always been kind to, and the things they said were in no way-shape-or-form true and they didn't mean to even say that they were true they were just spewing words...so i figured y'all needed to be taught how to be mean lol i don't suggest that u go out and insult people, i would like for u all to be extremely nice to every single person u come into contact with...but if u need to vent, do so kindly and effectively..thanx!
changedfish-down for the count

decisiveness- such a desirable quality
u know what i'd like...i'd like to be able to make decisions, i'd like to be able to make my own decisions for my own life- guilt free, and i'd like for everyone around me to be able to do the same!
i know it sounds simple but think about how much work u put into making important decisions and how much u change ur mind and revise and such..i mean wouldn't it be so nice to be able to make a decision and stick w/it and for it to always be the right one? that would be awesome!
u no another thing i'd like is esp...but not like normal kind....i mean ok, i think it'd be neat to be able to plant thots in other peoples heads, i know that sounds twisted or whatever but i mean it in the best possible way... i.e. someone likes u and u know it, but they don't say anything, how do u get the person to know how u feel, i mean u can't come out and say it cuz they never said anything but u still want them to know and subtle hints r never good enuf...or say someone's like let's go here tonite or lets watch this and u dont really want to and u know something better that everyone would prolly like but u don't wanna just say it....plant the idea in someone else's head...i'm serious i don't need to read minds, i just want to write them lol...
wow...i'm such an enlightened thinker...practically ghandi
changedfish

You can ask me 3 questions Any three, no matter how personal, private, or random. I have to answer them honestly. In turn, you have to post this message in your own bulletin and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you. So go ahead and ask me any 3 questions...

i'm usually not one for chain messages, esp. not in my blog (this is prolly the first time) but i kinda like this one, because it's one'a those things that helps u to find out things about other people (i find out what u wanna know about me, and u find out what u wanna know about me lol...)
so i love u, ask away (ask via comment) **u don't have to "post this message in your own bulletin" etc. etc. just ask if u'd like**
changedfish-gets interrogated

closing night
well the play is finally over! i don't mean finally as in a "dang that thing was miserable whoosh it's done with" i mean it in a "that was awesome and amazing and i'm glad it's over cuz it would've gotten extremely redundant after a while" the cast party was kinda lame, but i knew it would be, i mean i love those people w/all my heart but they're not really on my same page....or even in the same book, or section of the library....i'm just one'a those odd ducks that inserts into a lot of different catagories but doesn't truly fit anywhere. nehow, i loved doing the play, i may just do it next year, it's a completely different experience than anything else and it's a really fun way to occupy time...i guess i just like acting and being w/people and such....altho maybe one'a these days i'll get a role that's not a ditzy prep and more of a dramatic something-er-other.
type-casting they call it, always getting the same kind of role....i like it, but sometimes it's just buggy! nehow...i'm off for a day of absolutely nothing, and i like it! i think i'll just wear comfy clothes and curl up w/a blanket and .... wow i'm so excited about this nothingness i gotz to go!
changedfish-takes time off

i been postin' a lot lately, i'll just let u read up on recents and soak it all in!
drop me a line (comment) if u choose, otherwise have a splendiferous weekend and muah to all!
changedfish-taken a breather

opening nite!
the play was great tonite! i only kinda messed up once and it was only a "jjj...jimmy" mishap...so yea, it was fun, and i'm glad there r fun people in it w/me, i love them all so much, it's an awesome cast!!!
o and somehow i heard i may have been nominated for drama for the awards thing but i never checked the list...i hope i was, that's exciting, cuz drama is my favorite class ever...i guess i'll have to figure it out by 5th period tomorrow (that's when the assembly is) if not, no sweat, but yea..i'll let'cha know

haha...just so i remember a little thot-mom's r more observant than we take them to be....so ask them for advice cuz they actually know pretty much everything before we do! i mean really, u say "hey mom ever notice ***this***" and she's always like "o yea, last year!" and ur thinking HUH and she never said anything! but i guess that's how she worx, trying to let me find things out on my own, never interfere where she's not wanted...and i love her for it!
changedfish-the supa-sta

Realizing Urself
it's dangerous to get to know urself...
to find out what u r truly like
-i don't like it
i don't like knowing how others percieve me
i don't enjoy finding my flaws
knowing that everything u do is just short of the expectation
to find that what u wanted isn't what u needed
to notice the reactions around u at times
-these things r not fun
watching others realize themselves isn't great either
to see them crumble at their choices
to stand silent as they make decisions
-no one enjoys that
thinking of how others will think
deciding ur move based upon others
knowing inside ur not what someone wants
figuring how to beat the system, and wishing u hadn't
feeling one thing but doing another
-this is life

the world isn't a poem, but u can make it one.....changedfish

In my own little corner in my own little room, i can be whatever i want to be.....
There's a spot where I sit,
When no one's around-
Where the world changes.

The way the light hits my face,
The angle i'm at,
I don't know what it is-
But it's different.

I'm pretty there,
I belong there-
The world is all mine.

I just sit there and stare-
At my own vain face.

I'll sit for a while-
Then sadly reality seeps in.

The world doesn't see me like that-
I'm not as i seem.

That special place doesn't exist outside of these walls-
Stop living ur dream!

changedfish-calapses in a corner