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Sometimes loving people is the only gift you'll ever give them.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

MY ISRAEL EXPERIENCE
wanted to transfer all my Israel journals to here so i'll never lose them!

2/28
wow, so i'm leaving for Israel tomorrow! i don't even know what to say about it, i mean this trip is a total fluke. and by fluke i mean completely designed by God. it was one of those things where Molly just said i should come and then i actually did. i've just been thinking about all the other experiences i thought i would have this semester- either a spring break MIS or the civil rights bus tour or florida with friends- and how none of those plans compares to this one.
all year i've been struggling with my own self, knowing i was backing further and further away from God and not really knowing how to remedy that- or truly if i wanted to. i knew that i should read my Bible more and i knew i should spend more time- ok ANY time- praying, but i have this question about whether or not God wants us to force ourselves to do these things when our heart just isn't interested. it has been a year of wondering if i'im really His, how can i be a child of God, a friend of the King, if i don't even want to spend time with Him, when i know i'm not interested in the same things He is. i used to think it was strictly about heart attitude, about my desire to know and do the things of God. i guess i figured that if my mind WANTEd to be closer with God then i was ok. but i'm leanring that desire, when not followed by action, is the same as guilt. you might feel guilty about starving children in Africa, and that guilt triggers a pride response because you feel like you're such a good Christian for being concerned about the needs of others. but you see, your feelings do not equal food. those children will never reep the benefits of your emotion, they don't know you and even if they did i'm sure they'd like having your dinner over hearing your pity. my desire to be close to God was the same, it didn't get me anywhere because it wasn't followed by action. and quite frankly if my desire was all that genuine you'd think i'd HAVE to do something about it.

3/1
ok so day 1 didn't go quite as planned. we all met on time in the early morning hours (5:15!) at SBC. and we even made pretty good time getting down to San Francisco. it was a relaxed journey, 2 vans, granola bars and juice and frequent enough stops that you could stretch your legs as needed- i, of course, was a true Cherland and jogged laps around each rest area : )
but anyhow, like i said, it didn't continue with the schedule much past that. apparently there's some crazy storm on the east coast and our flight to atlanta was cancelled. the next available flight for all of us is tomorrow going to new york. this sounds like it would be tragic but honestly it was a great blessing.
we'd gotten cancellation insurance with maranatha tours, inc. and they told us they'll reimburse us for hotel and food, etc for the day, as well as refund the extra day lost in Israel. they told us they'd cover $150 for the night, which meant finding a cheaper hotel- and lo and behold who's mom had been sure to give her explicit instructions on the hotel they'd be staying at on the other side of the trip? mine! it was such a blessing, she'd given me the address, phone #, and even the estimated total for a night, as well as detailed info on catching the airport shuttle. now i've gotten a trial run for when i have to go it alone while waiting for my parents- thank you Lord!
and it's been so wonderful to have this day to just relax and hang out with the whole group and just get to know them before setting out on this big adventure.
Lord, i have to admit, yesterday and friday i was getting nervous about the trip. nervous because i don't really know these people and because they know so much more Bible than me. but this day Papa, You allowed me to see that those things aren't that important. it's not about these other folks or my short comings. and while i don't quite know yet why You have me here i'm so glad that You do. amen.
one more thing that was good about today was not onloy breaking down my insecurities- i pretty much looked a mess all day so physical insecurites were gone- but it was a chance to get to know their hearts and attitudes of the others. we college kids took a soak in the hotel hot tub and got to talk a little bit about why we're on the trip and what we hope to get out of it. in truth i mostly listened, but i was relieved to hear them give reasons similar to mine and not something theological and lofty that i'd never thought of. things like walking where Christ walked, seeing the Bible come to life, leanring more fully and just putting the places with the names. one said he was waiting to see what God would do with this trip- how familiar sounding : )


3/2
well it's mid-day 2 now and we're FINALLY in the air on our way to ISRAEL! the last days worth of delay was much more pleasant than this day has been- it's been a lot of airport and plane sitting waiting to take off, evidently this storm in the east has been quite significant. like i say hot tubbing with the group in San Fran was nice, sitting alone (well, next to a nice english couple, but not the others i came with) on a plane but not leaving the gate was less so.
though i have to say i'm in good spirits, as we took off a rainbow was formed next to my window on the plane and i was reading The Shack and it was talking about how God is good and just because He doesn't intervene it doesn't mean He's not in control or that He doesn't have a plan.
"God" from The Shack put it this way (paraphrased) "I am good and everything- the means, the ends and all the processes of individual lives- is all covered by my goodness, and while you may not understand what I'm doing, you can trust me." so i'm choosing to trust this goodness. i really am confident that He will use this for good and i'm hoping i'll get to see what that good is.
- I forgot to mention the bright spot of our morning-> meeting four firey canadian women headed to hawaii. they met us at breakfast and we shuttled to the airport with them. they were just so full of life! they even gave us canadian coins as mementos!


3/3
Boy was that a day! i am currently in our hotel in Boqeq, Israel. out our window...make that balconey is the Dead Sea.
let's retrace the steps that brought us here. we did eventually leave the gate in san fran around 2 or so and while our original departure time was 9:10 or so we still managed to make it to NYC before our plane to Israel took off. well actually, as we landed in NYC the pilot told us the plane was being held for us, so we trotted straight from one plane to the next. this is where the blessings began to shower us. somehow in all the scheduling we'd been placed in business class. now i my head i thought that's the same as coach- not so! it was 1st class yo! we were sitting in electronically reclining chairs, 3 course meals, complimentary movies, tv, games, music, etc. we even got hot towels! i had a seat next to hilary, who is also my roommate and we ate amazingly and tilted back with our blankets and pillows and watched none other than High School Musical 3. she'd never seen it and i wasn't really interested in paying enough attention to watch something i'd never seen and it gave her and i a chance to bond and do silly dances in our massive seats.
then we dozed off for a few hourse to awake to more food adn a nice landing in Tel Aviv! it was just such a restful flight, honestly it was super weird to be pampered like that on our way to Israel. i just picture it as some 3rd world country and here we were on a 1st class plane ride. but i think it was a little way for God to give us some rest and pampering and maybe for the flight crew to have a group of nice, thankful folks to serve.
landing and passport checks and getting our bags was pretty uneventful. we met Malcolm, our tour guide and drove here. it was wierd to lose 7 hours (well 10 from SF) because we woke up, landed and then got on the bus as the sun was going down.
due to scheduling issues with the flight delays we missed some extra Dead Sea time and a camel ride, which we're going to try to fit in somewhere else. but once again God provides and at our pit stop between airport and hotel there was a man with a camel! he was just chilling there at the gas station and he let us all take a quick ride! (the camel's name was "shoo shoo" which evidently means love)
this hotel is also phenomenal! we arrived and ate, again, at a large dinning hall with a slew of foods to try. i ate light because we'd been eating for an awfully long time. but i tried a parsimon for the first time as well as a cabage roll (like a spring roll-ish item) and a roll type item stuffed with beef- can't remember the name- it was all very tasty (sans the flan-ish sugary thing that we were told we "had" to try and and it tasted a lot like lotion)
after dinner we explored the hotel and found a room where two men were playing hebrew rock and roll and people were dancing. we entered and stood at the back. after much encouragement by those in the room we joined in and even got to be a part of a conga line! we stayed maybe 10 minutes but it was such an awesome memory of people living life in a completely different culture.


changedfish-more entries to come-

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

i feel so neglectful of this blog. i mean i know life gets busy but that's all the more reason to write about it. honestly i wouldn't remember half of my life in high school if it werent' for this blog! i always feel like there are things in life that you simply won't forget but that's so not true. i mean i guess i'll remember the events but the feelings and how things really happened gets lost when you reconsolidate (yeah, that's a word i learned in class today) your memories. since i last wrote: i went to Israel for 2 weeks (i journalled the whole thing and my big plan is to type them up and add them here...we'll see, eh?), and this past weekend i went to an amazing women's conference (Radiance, guest speaker was Dannah Gresh) and applied for an incredible internship (with Dannah Gresh!). I made the major life changing decision to go ahead with biblical counseling instead of secular counseling and an mft license and i'm just trusting that God knows what He's going to do with that (it was His idea to switch so evidently He has a plan haha). i've been to TWO live cd recordings that turned out more like worship sessions. i've lost two friends to cancer. i helped plan and execute another phenominal Sancitfy purity conference weekend, and a valentines day banquet for my STARS girls. i've pulled an all nighter (does 45 mins count as a nights sleep) and gotten my hair cut, i've been bridesmaid dress shopping and bonded over a broken engagement. i've made better friends of aquaintances and made aquaintances of better friends. i've eaten no less than 30 pita pockets and recieved a lot of junk mail. i've relearned cpr and gotten sick at least 3 times. i've watched far less hannah montana than last semester but that doesn't mean i've given her up. i've battled -25 degree temperatures and basked in the glorious 70's. i've played cards, colored pictures and pieced together puzzles. i've dropped my ring down the sink and gathered 3 campus safety officers to get it back. i've lost and found my good scissors only to glue the blades together and render them useless. i've made two sticker chart calandars and used neither of them. i've been home for the first spring semester visit ever and bought a million more cedarville cause t-shirts.
my life has been a whirlwind and this list doesn't even begin to describe the last few months of my life, but i had to try and list a few things. this is my last semester of college and i'm starting to come to grips with that, but i'm afraid that in my hurry to be done and my rush to experience life to the fullest before i go i'm losing the here and now of things.

changedfish- planes, trians, and automobiles