i think one of the things i value most in life is comfort. i'm not sure why this is, it's not that i had some nervous childhood in which i was uprooted and shoved from home to home, it's not as if i'm a foster child, or a love child, or a child of a broken home...i just value comfort above most other things.
i love socks and mashed potatoes because they are comfort items...there are smells, sounds, feelings that are comforting- calming...those things i like.
this year in both of my english classes we ended up making a list of qualifications for the perfect partner...we did this at camp one year as well....in all these lists i have comfort ranked fairly high- just below faith and being a good father....
sometimes i feel like i'm such an awkward person, that so many just plain odd things happen to me throughout the day, that if i can just find that one person that one spot that one thing that makes me feel comfortable, like i'm not going to trip over my own shoelace, then i need to snag that thing and never let it go...i'm a comfort addict, it's like this twisted fettish i have, where i seek it out.
i just want to feel secure, unafriad, calm...comfortable.
is that so much to ask? -changedfish

the clouds were really pretty tonight. just sitting there outside in the hammack chair, comfortable, calm, warm, the clouds rolling by, uncovering patches of blue sky here and there.....it was nice
changedfish- here we go eh?

prom baby, prom

these are actually in reverse order of the night, but that's how photobucket blogged'em and i really dont' want to go about switching them around completely...so this is the after hang out at my house all the way back to when clint picked me up...quick tip of info, clint went to dinner with me, graham was my prom date- you won't see any pictures of him- so that's just how my night was...interesting story...

 

 

all she wants to do is dance dance-changedfish

He claims he's the victim- stranded by the nine to five.

school's almost over!! i pretty much can't believe it! i mean by this time next week i'll have no more compulsory education left and that's craziness! but also wonderful..because it means that all this work is paying off.
it's crazy to think how many things are going to change, not just with me, with everyone...this is that time in your life where everythign begins to transition. i mean up until now things have been different but not to such an extreme, there were general factors that were the same, i mean for me i've always lived in the same area with the same people around. same school district and church area and grocery stores and mall and it's just crazy to think those things won't be there anymore. i don't know what i'm going to do without my own room in my own house and my own bed and all these comfort items that i never thought i would be without....i better bring a lot of socks to college.
ah and i know i'm just wigging out because it's getting closer, but i feel like i'm going to be gone at camp a lot of the summer and then i'm leaving to go to college across the country and it's just like AH wait, what if i'm making a mistake, what if i'm not ready to go away, what if i'm not mature enough to make it on my own, what if i won't be ok, what if things don't work out? and i know those are just what if's but at the same time now is the time that i should be evaluating my what if senarios, before i leave!
ugh, on a slightly less pyschotic note, prom is saturday, and i'm excited to look pretty haha...i know it's superficial but who doesn't like to look especially good and be surrounded with other people who look especially good. i'm excited...about most of it anyhow, but i'll opt out of getting into that right now- o and now i hear it might rain, what's with that, it's over 100 for like a week and now the one night we want clear skies it may rain? geez, so much for the outdoor swing band- it's last year all over again- but better of course, sorta. oh yea, and i totally am just ordering my boutinere (however you spell that stupid thing) today, and so they're like, it will be ready saturday after 4 (which is ok cuz i won't need it before then, but hopefully my mom or dad will pick it up haha) i'm glad i'm so on top of things!
actually these last two or three weeks ahve been so disorganized and blah, it's like i'm getting htings done but BARELY...i guess i just caught the senioritis but i need to watch it because i only have one school day and then finals and if i can just make it through that then i'm home free and if i don't then...i'm screwed royally!
i don't, know i'm so apathetic when it comes to everything lately...i just don't care...i frankly could care less about a lot of things that i used to think were vital, and a lot of them still are vital i guess but i've just given up on caring...is that so bad? is it so bad to let a few things slip off your priority list? I mean i realize how it SOUNDS, that it makes it sound horrible or like i'm giving up on life as a whole, i mean it makes me seem like some dud, but really i've found i worry about too many things, i care about too much, too many people, and at some point i snap and say that's it, that's enough, i quit...wouldn't it be better if before i quit i just kind of checked a few off the list...prolonged the surge of stress and just eased out of a few upsetting factors? i think it's a wise idea personally, i think it makes perfect sense....but you feel free to judge as you may
changedfish- being apathetic's a pathetic way to be, but i don't care

if given the choice between rain and the moon which would you pick?
cuz you can't really have both at once. i mean when it's raining the sky is cloudy and the moon isn't around and when you can see the moon the sky is clear so it can't very well rain now can it.
i think a clear sky is more enjoyable. watching the moon come out and being able to be outside for longer than a few seconds while you're battling the chill of being wet...yes i do in fact believe that, as of this moment, the moon is what i would pick, cuz i know the rain will always be there when times are cloudy
changedfish- too metephorical for my own good.

did anyone see the moon tonight? it was stunning....brilliant clear sky and a giant moon fading into the city lights....it was a spectacular sight if i do say so myself
changedfish- here goes...

in places you least expect it...
changedfish- yes, i'm happy

out of the loop...and it feels alright

changedfish

changin' it up

ok, i KNOW i've been doing a LOT of picture blogging lately, but i just got my hair cut and i had to show y'all...i kinda just took these adn it's the end of the day and i took a nap on this hair and all so it's not totally great, not really that straightened to perfection, but this is the general idea, cuz there's no way i'm re-doing my hair just to take silly pictures!

Left side

back

right side

back left

front top

front

 

thaaaat's ME- changedfish

shoes are to woman as dogs are to men

ok so HERE are my super cute new shoes for prom...special thanks to miss stefanie dries for shopping with me, finding them and then convincing me to buy them...i am now in love with them!

changedfish- a rose by any angle is still red

and now the perfect shoes...
so it's been a super long day and all the homework i was going to catch up on...yea i didn't...and i'm not even going to go into what went down today but it was quite the experience for us all....good news is- i got shoes for prom and they're super duper cute and so i'm excited and i'm hoping that the earings i ordered on ebay match them...
changedfish...that's all folks

i'm going to p to the r-o-m -- just need a hot date to match my hot dress...
so i went down to sac town this weekend, which was super fun!
well ok first i drove past sac to vilejo and had lunch with my g'pa for like 2 hours and then i backtracked to sac and stayed at my sister/cousins (they're roommates). friday night my sister and cousin and their neighbor and friend (if you followed that) and i went out to sushi at this seriously really great place, and i was so proud of myself cuz i'm like a chopstick champion now! i ate salad w/chopsticks! and it was really good food! and then my cousin decides she's hungry for ice cream so we went to ben and jerry's which was really yummy and i was suuuuper full! saturday i went over to rocklin and visited with my lovely lovely drake twins! and met their boyfriends and a friend and we went to a flea market (denio's i think it was) and to a MASSIVE target (it was a target greatland to be accurate) and then i went back to my sisters in the evening and they had some friends over for a barbeque which was fun cuz there was quite a few people and they were all super nice to me, so that's always good..it went kinda late though so by the end i was kind of tired of the whole thing and prolly shoulda gone to bed in amy's room, cept at that point the only bathroom was hers and so i would've had people coming in and stuff...i dunno so i just didn't, so the next morning i was super tired and the alarm on amy's phone didn't go off (i'd left mine in the car on accident) and so luckily nicole (my cousin) woke me up on her way to work, but like 15 mins before i had to leave, cuz i went to church in rocklin w/amanda (kelsey had to work) and met more friends and talked to boyfriends again and just generally enjoyed the service...went back to the drake residence and said my goodbyes (for like an hour or more haha) and finally i came home to mi casa (several hours later)

but the best part of the weekend...ok i completely just lied, it wasn't the "best" part, but a really great thing that happened is that amanda is totally letting me wear her prom dress to my prom! yey cuz it's suuuper cute and only a little bit big so i'm gonna get it altered to fit nicely....i'm so excited because it's like kicky enough and pizzazy enough that i love it but plain enough that i can have crazy fun shoes and jewelry, so i need to start looking for some now!...and a date, it'd be nice if i didn't have to go in my hot dress unaccompanied. but either way, i KNOW i'll have fun and look super great, cuz i knwo manda did when she wore it.
on a seperate but kind of attached note, i was thinking on my drive home that i might wanna cut more off my hair (it's attached cuz i was thinking on the drive so that has to do with my trip, and cuz i think i wanna cut it like manda's) i really do love shorter hair on so many other people i'm just kind of nervous about doing it to myself..and plus with prom comming in like o gosh 3 weeks now i don't know if i wanna do it after or before, because i don't know how it'd turn out...i eman if it looks good i'd want to do it before, but if it ends up really icky then i'd be so sad about prom pictures lol...plus it'd be a little bit odd if i wore amanda's dress adn cut my hair like hers...all i'd need was a boy like hers and our pictures would match! though i HIGHLY DOUBT that she'd mind even an ounce, cuz she's pretty cool like that, and seriously how flattering is it that i want to look like her haha...i just like her hair and the way it's like an a-line and the bangs..she and kelsey have MASTERED the sweeping bang look, it's AMAZING..i'm not kidding, both of them have really super cute bangs..and i actually liked the look of me with bangs, they're just kind of annoying sometime..so i'd want them long enough that i could kinda put them away..and also i'd want to steal my old straightener back from amy cuz it's the kind with the curved edges (which none of you care but i was just thinking about that) cuz you can't use a curling iron with sweeping bangs but i would want some body to it and not just flat against my head.......so i'm thinking about it, i'ma do some mroe sleeping on it and kinda ask around- see what people think, before i go and do it.....
peace out yo's -changedfish