and in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me...
so i wonder, should i really change my behavior because of apperances? like ok, last semester i did a pretty good job of not being alone with any guys, letting all my guy friends know that i'm not dating etc. this semester i kind of let up a bit- i still tell them all that i'm not dating, nto interested, etc..but i've allowed myself to be a tad more flirty to not worry so much about spending aloneish time with them- i mean always in public places, except maybe in the car, but still i mean i'm seldom actually ALONE anyhow. but i really shouldn't be getting out of this on a technicality- my issue is that if others notice i'm spending more time with one guy than another than my whole plan of people being about to know i'm not interested by observation is blown- i mean i usually figure if a guy was interested and he watched my behavior he'd notice that i try and treat all my friends similarly- i mean each relationship is different, but i try nto to show any one of them special notice so that it is obvious tha ti'm not in a dating mindset- but then i make friends that i wnat to hang out with more often, or that just end up hanging out with more often and people all of a sudden start expecting things- not my good friends, not really anyone i actually know, it's people that just kind of watch and assume- which granted it would look that way to an outsider i guess but it's just so lame because if i dont' think it is and he doesn't think it is and all of our friends know it's not then why do i feel like i need to all of a sudden make a poitn about it- if he were interested he would tell me that we can't spend so much time together- he's done it before, i know that, i've been his third party in order to avoid the potential situation- but i guess i just feel like i'm abandoning my original plans...i mean i kind of felt like because i took last semester to re-sensitize myself to the whole co-gender situation that it would be ok to lighten up a bit within reason, but now i'm not so sure...i want to loosen up, i want to just not worry aobut what others think adn do what i want but at the same time, what kind of example is that? what kind of "oh yeah, i've been there and i've changed" is that if i look as if i haven't changed, it's like the whole settin gyourself apart arguement but different because i'm setting myself apart in a world where we're all "set apart"
it's just kind of a ridiculous situation you know, i mean if i made a new girl friend and wanted to hang out with her a bunch no one would think anything of it (ok yes they would but not in that sense, they'd just wonder why i was never around anymore) and honestly my friends, the others that i hang out with totally understand, and most people totally understand it's just those few that make me nervous- and i don't know why...i don't know why
changedfish- she can't admit her jealousy of her sister veronica and how she's so pretty
so i wonder, should i really change my behavior because of apperances? like ok, last semester i did a pretty good job of not being alone with any guys, letting all my guy friends know that i'm not dating etc. this semester i kind of let up a bit- i still tell them all that i'm not dating, nto interested, etc..but i've allowed myself to be a tad more flirty to not worry so much about spending aloneish time with them- i mean always in public places, except maybe in the car, but still i mean i'm seldom actually ALONE anyhow. but i really shouldn't be getting out of this on a technicality- my issue is that if others notice i'm spending more time with one guy than another than my whole plan of people being about to know i'm not interested by observation is blown- i mean i usually figure if a guy was interested and he watched my behavior he'd notice that i try and treat all my friends similarly- i mean each relationship is different, but i try nto to show any one of them special notice so that it is obvious tha ti'm not in a dating mindset- but then i make friends that i wnat to hang out with more often, or that just end up hanging out with more often and people all of a sudden start expecting things- not my good friends, not really anyone i actually know, it's people that just kind of watch and assume- which granted it would look that way to an outsider i guess but it's just so lame because if i dont' think it is and he doesn't think it is and all of our friends know it's not then why do i feel like i need to all of a sudden make a poitn about it- if he were interested he would tell me that we can't spend so much time together- he's done it before, i know that, i've been his third party in order to avoid the potential situation- but i guess i just feel like i'm abandoning my original plans...i mean i kind of felt like because i took last semester to re-sensitize myself to the whole co-gender situation that it would be ok to lighten up a bit within reason, but now i'm not so sure...i want to loosen up, i want to just not worry aobut what others think adn do what i want but at the same time, what kind of example is that? what kind of "oh yeah, i've been there and i've changed" is that if i look as if i haven't changed, it's like the whole settin gyourself apart arguement but different because i'm setting myself apart in a world where we're all "set apart"
it's just kind of a ridiculous situation you know, i mean if i made a new girl friend and wanted to hang out with her a bunch no one would think anything of it (ok yes they would but not in that sense, they'd just wonder why i was never around anymore) and honestly my friends, the others that i hang out with totally understand, and most people totally understand it's just those few that make me nervous- and i don't know why...i don't know why
changedfish- she can't admit her jealousy of her sister veronica and how she's so pretty
posted by changedfish @ 7:52 PM
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