"you are what you love and not what loves you back..."

thank you, so much for allowing me to be a part of that bible study, or group discussion or whatever you want to call it. just being able to sit in a circle with a group of believers and talk aobut the issues of life. the thoughts that plague us as adolescent christians in this society, it's just so amazing to hear each person give a different thought, a different perspective, a new profound thought, and they are profound. these men and women of the Lord are so honest, so human and yet so above my understanding on so many levels. do i live what i say? sometimes i think i do and other times i can't help but observe in what i can only describe is awe while others live thier lives with this incredible dedication that i wish i had.
as christians what sets us a part from nonbelievers? if there's no genetic code, there is no physical feature, there is no obvious defining characteristic then why are we the chosen few? what do we do that makes us deserving of this awesome grace? nothing, there is nothing that we've done special other than just simply to answer the call. it's after that moment that we become this unique grouping of people and what defines us then? love, i believe it is love, attitude, heart motive...it is the sacrificial love that brandon mentioned, the way we would go to the end of the earth for another person not because we want recognition and some kind of restitution but because we love that person the way Christ loves us. is it possible to love another human being with that pure love if we have not experienced Christ's pure love? i think it is not. if you haven't experienced it you can't replicate it. like i mentioned tonight, the moment that i pin point as the defining "i am now a Christian" time in my life is when i experienced Christ's love and vowed to show it to others. the moment i realized that there were people in the world that were not being loved around me and that was just as much my fault as anyone elses fault. some people walk around all day not being loved, not being talked to, not being touched, and often times go home to hostile environments where they are not loved and cared for any more than they were all day long at work or school. why not take on those people? why not love them? yes i realize that some of them are dull, others are down right annoying, sometimes it's super hard work to love that person but is that really any valid reason not to do so? is there any excuse that is going to be good enough to say to the Lord on judgement day? "sorry i didn't talk to that person but they had funny hair." not gonna cut it. what is that saying about recklessness, loving with reckless abandon- that crazy running through the halls screaming, waving your arms about as if you're 7 and the swings are about to be filled and you want that last one, running full sprint, lungs collapsing, heart pounding out of your chest touching the sky, full focus, clear intention, pure explicit dedication- that's the way we should go after Christ's love and the attitude we should have when it comes to loving others- there's no other way.
if it isn't a "sin" but it bothers another person is it wrong? such a harsh question, if me eating pork bothers a Jew should i just say no thanks i'll take a carrot? where are the lines on this- i don't know. i feel that the reason i live my life as morally as i do- not drinking, going to parties, dressing provacitively, not using profanities- it is not because i feel that those acitivities are neccesarily bad for me (in moderation) but rather because i feel taht i am setting an example, or at least that i am a representation, of Chrsitianity. there are so many hypocrits (self included) that claim a relationship with Jesus and then don't live a life style that seems to fit and it really bothers me, it breaks my heart that nonchristians will look at them and all they see is flaws. we're all flawed, we all do horrendous things each day of our lives, it's the truth, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't attempt to live as much like Christ as we can.
to confess, i'm one of the worst of them all, when it comes to being with fellow believers it's not an issue but so many of my best friends don't know the joy and peace of Christ and it's those that i should be making the biggest impact on by setting myself apart in some ways and yet all i end up doing is becoming comfortable and conforming- being the way they are because i feel comfortable letting those parts of me go because they don't have any inhibitions about those things.
but now that's the question right there- are those things neccesarily wrong? it all comes down to the heart motives. am i saying those words because i have intense anger or as another adjective, am i telling this story because i think it's important or because it's gossip, am i being fair and kind to those around me or am i judging them harshly with an unfair chart of what i think they should be?
and to live my entire life for God, what does that mean? this is modern day america here and between school, extracurriculars, friends, family, etc. where does God fit into my schedule and how can i make Him my schedule rather than fitting Him into the cracks, but actually infiltrating him into each and every activity- when i'm studying what is my focus? even mundane tasks like eating, exercising am i doing it because my body is a temple of the Lord, am i talking to those i need to talk to and rationing my time between social and school. being a student is my job right now but what tasks do i need to be sure not to neglect in keeping that part of my primary focus. and at the top of all of it making sure that my words and actions line up, that the way i try to protray my person is the person i actually am. don't be a fraud- people can tell and no matter how great of an actress you become you will never fool 100% of the people 100% of the time.
don't put God in a box- allow Him to stretch to move to show you His limits in the fact that He is limitless. let each day be one more day that you grow not always in God but with God- the idea that as you get bigger so does He, or at least the box you put Him in grows. trusting the Lord with the every day as well as the extraordinary. the large and the small- the life threatening illnesses and each sneeze, maybe it's not this all important nuclear device problem that you have to deal with but that doesn't mean that you can't cast your cares and worries upon God. while by the same token you need to be careful not to focus on simply the mistakes, the problems, the issues you're working through. be thankful, thank God for your gifts and use them, listen too. expect Him to speak to you- it can be a two way conversation just as well as it can be a one sided monologue...let His voice be heard in your head. the more you listen for it the easier it will be to hear it.

be a steward of the gift not a passive observer- changedfish