it's been so long, i don't even know what to say.
life's been amazing here as it has been since i got here.
i had a weird monday this week. like it's still bugging me in the back of my mind. but i totally saw someone in one of my classes that reminded me SO MUCH of an old friend of mine, and it wasn't just that but the feeling that i got when i saw the guy was just this sinking feeling of something being wrong. like i know it's probably just me overreacting but it seriously bothered me all day long because the guy i saw in my class that i'd never seen before- i saw him FIVE times that day...that just doesn't happen usually. it weirded me out adn to top it off i had a politics test to study for the next day and i dunno it was just a weird-o day that kind of set me off kilter. it was like the first time since i've been here that i didn't have an amazing day. which kind of brings me back to how amazing it is here because there wasn't like one person that didn't notice that i was down and they all were praying for me and making sure i was ok- like sometimes that's annoying, like i just want people to back off, but i dunno somehow it totally wasn't because they weren't asking me what was wrong exactly, they weren't being invasive they just wanted to make sure i was alright and there wasn't something they could do for me.
things are so weird right now, like it seems we've all been here just long enough to get comfortable and then some. that point just beyond comfort where you're too comfortable and change irks you. luckily i'm a pretty easy going person so none of the changes really get to me, plus it's all changes for me right now, so it's not like i've been here a super long time and we've all been one way and now it's different, it's more like different from when i arrived but that just seems right that things would be different. i don't know...i don't know anymore, sometimes my heart is so broken for other people. i just feel like so many of my friends are hurting right now and i never know what to do. i'm not a very good comforting people. like i dunno if i notice someone's down rather than asking them about it i just try and make them laugh and kind of act like i don't notice, which can be good for some people who just want to keep their pain (not that it's healthy coping but...that's for another time) but for those who need me to let them know that i noticed, well it's not the best. and i feel like guilty being so happy and having such a great time every day when i know those around me are just not enjoying life in the same way. and i know that's silly, i shouldn't feel that i have to downplay the amazing things that God's doing in my life because other people are struggling, but i feel like if i can't make them happy then i shouldn't be happy. like they should be my priority, and they are truly, i love them, i love people, and i feel like they're more important than i am, that their needs are more important, but at the same time i feel like i'm recieving so much love right now that i haven't made an effort to dish it back out. and that makes me sad too, i want people to feel loved by me, that i really genuinely care about them, that i'm worried when they are and happy when they are, that' i'm supportive and give good advice and all that jazz...i really want people to appreciate my efforts- however that means i have to make said efforts haha
changedfish- i need to get more sleep :