protection is a funny thing.
i mean to me it's so important, to feel secure, to feel comfortable, to feel protected. but it is odd where lines are drawn in that. i mean there's definately a crossing point from not letting any bad things happen and not letting anything at all happen. the over-protection issue.
now parentally i never had to deal with any of that, i mean there were times when i felt wrongly hemmed in, or times when i wondered why there were no boundries. but for the most part i was protected as i should have been.
i just wonder sometimes the effect "protection" has on people. i mean not only authority-wise, i just mean in general. do they feel protected by thier goverment? by thier military? by their friends? their family? their churches? do people feel secure in their social lives? do they feel comfortable in their schools?
i don't know why the socks and mashed potatoes feeling is so important to me, i don't know why i value security and strength over all else. but i do know that each day i feel protected. i feel looked- out for, i feel as if nothing will grab hold of me because i'm surrounded on all sides.
it's a foreign feeling almost. i mean it's not that in my life i've been exposed, or that i felt alone or threatened, but there aren't many times- before recently- that i have felt so secure, so utterly content. it's like each day i wake up and i just think, holy cow, God is pretty much right there, He's right there staring at me and saying, i'm so glad you've come, and your welcome haha. that sounds so cheesy but serously this has been the best 2 or so years of my life and i can just see it getting better...i mean honestly i'm growing up adn learning so much about life, myself, my friendship with God. it's an exciting time and i can't wait to see what comes of it.
and yet, in all that, i can't help but wonder- why are there no major struggles in my life? why no overwhelming tragedy? why no irreconcilable grief? is it because the Lord knows i couldn't handle it? does He know i wouldn't stand by Him in times of trouble? is that it? now don't get me wrong, i'm not impling that i want strife, i just sometimes wonder why God has blessed me so incredibly my whole life when i've given him nothing in return. i'm hardly worthy of any sort of amazing life, i knwo plenty of people that deserve this more than me, so many people that have been given hard lives while i've skated by unscathed.
at camp paul would always tell us "God is preparing you for something" like if we had a particularly rowdy cabin, or troublesome child. and sometimes he would throw in that if we had a good cabin God was preparing us for something there too.....i never had a difficult cabin. any campers that i'd been warned about either turned out not to be a problem or they didn't show up. what is God preparing me for then? is he preparing me for a life when i'll never relate to the orphans and the widows? heck, i'm more than willing to minister to the least of these, but i have no relation to them. if they were to ask if i knwo how they feel, i'd have to say no. i would be forced to say that i grew up in a middle class family with loving parents that remained in love and married, that i had a good public education where i was well liked for the most part and my parents paid for me to go to a fantastic christian university. i would have to look that person in the eye and tell them that i have no idea what they've been through. that i feel deep sympathy for them but when it comes to empathy i have no comparison. and maybe there's nothing wrong with that. maybe it helps me to keep a level head and see things objectively, maybe it will be better if i don't fall apart with each wounded soul due to my own past experiences...maybe there's a point in all of this and i just can't see it- and i know taht's the truth...but sometimes i just wonder.
changedfish- what i wanted was to be protected...and i am
i mean to me it's so important, to feel secure, to feel comfortable, to feel protected. but it is odd where lines are drawn in that. i mean there's definately a crossing point from not letting any bad things happen and not letting anything at all happen. the over-protection issue.
now parentally i never had to deal with any of that, i mean there were times when i felt wrongly hemmed in, or times when i wondered why there were no boundries. but for the most part i was protected as i should have been.
i just wonder sometimes the effect "protection" has on people. i mean not only authority-wise, i just mean in general. do they feel protected by thier goverment? by thier military? by their friends? their family? their churches? do people feel secure in their social lives? do they feel comfortable in their schools?
i don't know why the socks and mashed potatoes feeling is so important to me, i don't know why i value security and strength over all else. but i do know that each day i feel protected. i feel looked- out for, i feel as if nothing will grab hold of me because i'm surrounded on all sides.
it's a foreign feeling almost. i mean it's not that in my life i've been exposed, or that i felt alone or threatened, but there aren't many times- before recently- that i have felt so secure, so utterly content. it's like each day i wake up and i just think, holy cow, God is pretty much right there, He's right there staring at me and saying, i'm so glad you've come, and your welcome haha. that sounds so cheesy but serously this has been the best 2 or so years of my life and i can just see it getting better...i mean honestly i'm growing up adn learning so much about life, myself, my friendship with God. it's an exciting time and i can't wait to see what comes of it.
and yet, in all that, i can't help but wonder- why are there no major struggles in my life? why no overwhelming tragedy? why no irreconcilable grief? is it because the Lord knows i couldn't handle it? does He know i wouldn't stand by Him in times of trouble? is that it? now don't get me wrong, i'm not impling that i want strife, i just sometimes wonder why God has blessed me so incredibly my whole life when i've given him nothing in return. i'm hardly worthy of any sort of amazing life, i knwo plenty of people that deserve this more than me, so many people that have been given hard lives while i've skated by unscathed.
at camp paul would always tell us "God is preparing you for something" like if we had a particularly rowdy cabin, or troublesome child. and sometimes he would throw in that if we had a good cabin God was preparing us for something there too.....i never had a difficult cabin. any campers that i'd been warned about either turned out not to be a problem or they didn't show up. what is God preparing me for then? is he preparing me for a life when i'll never relate to the orphans and the widows? heck, i'm more than willing to minister to the least of these, but i have no relation to them. if they were to ask if i knwo how they feel, i'd have to say no. i would be forced to say that i grew up in a middle class family with loving parents that remained in love and married, that i had a good public education where i was well liked for the most part and my parents paid for me to go to a fantastic christian university. i would have to look that person in the eye and tell them that i have no idea what they've been through. that i feel deep sympathy for them but when it comes to empathy i have no comparison. and maybe there's nothing wrong with that. maybe it helps me to keep a level head and see things objectively, maybe it will be better if i don't fall apart with each wounded soul due to my own past experiences...maybe there's a point in all of this and i just can't see it- and i know taht's the truth...but sometimes i just wonder.
changedfish- what i wanted was to be protected...and i am
posted by changedfish @ 1:13 AM
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