i just don't know anymore
ok, i'm excited, yes i'll finally admit it, i'm over the top gleeful about it, and now i'm as crazy as you and now i'm scared, that nervous feeling in my stomach i thot for a second i was over it, i'm not. i'm just not right, not good enuf, not normal enuf or comfortable enuf or funny enuf or right enuf, i just don't think i fit, and i want so badly to fit, it's not like the fourth grade club or something this is actually important and everything fits so well with me and it's like that piece slides right in my pallet but do i slide right in? is it like the square peg round hole thing? i don't wanna set myself up if it's not right...but it feels right doesn't it...it fits in my mind...if i was only convinced...i want to be confident i really do, but my false confidence doesn't help this time, my acting skills are flawed when it comes to acting like myself but better, i can only be just me and if that's nto right then it's not right? is it right? i don't know i don't know and it's like discussing it doesn't help cuz i mean it's either the people who are excited like me or people who don't know to be excited lol....o shoot i'm a lost cause don't even try to make this better, it's not...i'm making myself sick over this, have u seen how short my nails are? (do u realize how much nail polish i have eaten in the past few weeks?) i'm being ridiculous, i know that, tell me i'm being ridiculous, tell me i have nothing to worry about, tell me i'm fine and i'm wonderful and i'm wow and tell me this is dumb and i'm fine...but don't lie to me either...if i'm not being dumb, if this is realistic what i'm thinking, if i really am as awkward and gawky as i think i am (and not awkward in that cute new lamb way) let me know...tell me to stop the high speed chase or the slow interrogation as it more closely resembles.....just clue me in here, i'm ill.
changedfish- my nails are drying, let's see how long this lasts.