well let's see...
you know how sometimes you get so excited about life and it's way whirlwindy and confusing and anxious but in a good way and then there's sometimes when it's totally dull and nothing fun and ur just like o my gosh i need something fun to look forward to getting up every morning...well i'm in the excited part of life at the moment....not like for suresy i guess but for me, that sounds wrong what i mean is my life is exciting but it doesn't mean it's exciting for everyone or whatever..o well i'm not gonna try to fix that...but then it's like ok you know how sometimes there's a friend or a person or a group of people and you wake up every morning just excited to be in the group or with that person or whatever, and i often wonder if those people or that person is as excited to see me as i am to see them, and i wonder if they know that i get out of bed every morning just because i know that they'll be a part of my day and if they knew would that creep them out...i recently told laci and joanne that, like that when they call me to hang out i get super duper excited because i'm never sure how i fit in with them cuz we run in totally opposite circles except the three of us or whatever, but then i was all excited cuz they told me how much they love me and it jsut makes you so happy, but everytime i meet someone new i get this nervous anxious feeling because i'm so excited that i can add them to my list of people i absolutely love so much i can't speak but i wonder if all my love toward them is too much at first, u know before they get to know me as that person who's just like that, u know the whole "o that's just melanie" thing well new people haven't caught on often and i get so nervous my stomach makes crazy flip-flops because i want so badly for them to like me and accept me and all my quirky flaws and i want so badly for them to think i'm as totally great as i think they are and i worry that they'll not reach that level, that they'll just think hey she's a kook but not bad to have around on occasion but i don't want to add her to my favorites list-ever...and i know like em was saying why that is, that i'm just not as daring as i used to be because not only am i slightly out of practice but i just feel a little bit uneasy from past experiences, which u know everyone has by this point....ugh and it's like i can handle if a person doesn't like me i spose but it just bothers me that i couldn't just act cool u know like i couldn't just put on one of those crazy-calm facades and let them ease into me..but that's not really right of me either i mean they should get to know the real me right off cuz i mean it's not really cool to be like o this is me-not...i don't know...i just get so nervous, i get so scared and whiney and so unlike myself...i swear i used to be confident, at least i think so, i think i used to be more forward...it worked for me then it can work for me now can't it? i love people i love to be around all kinds of people they interest me, heck why am i not taking sociology? ugh but then i think of the people i've turned down and i cringe...it makes me cringe to think of me making anyone feel uncomfortable or unwanted or like they aren't good enuf, i don't want anyone to ever feel any pain u know, and i wonder if the people that i want so much to be acceptable for feel the same way i do about the people who vy for my attention... like i wonder if i'm intolerable to be around, i mean sure my friends are going to tell me no but really i could be a totally dweeb and not even know it and be like asking for my own defeat by looking to what i can only assume is above my own bracket..and then u hear about how attractive it is when people are ultra confident and sure of themselves and go-getters, well i'm not like that anymore, and i could explain why but i'm just not really sure...::deep breath:: calm, calm yourself u big bafoon! and like my pal Ester says "remember....everybody loves a nut, but the WHOLE WORLD loves a weirdo" (she says it's from a song but shoot, i think more people should know that phrase!)
changedfish- what if it was my birthday?
you know how sometimes you get so excited about life and it's way whirlwindy and confusing and anxious but in a good way and then there's sometimes when it's totally dull and nothing fun and ur just like o my gosh i need something fun to look forward to getting up every morning...well i'm in the excited part of life at the moment....not like for suresy i guess but for me, that sounds wrong what i mean is my life is exciting but it doesn't mean it's exciting for everyone or whatever..o well i'm not gonna try to fix that...but then it's like ok you know how sometimes there's a friend or a person or a group of people and you wake up every morning just excited to be in the group or with that person or whatever, and i often wonder if those people or that person is as excited to see me as i am to see them, and i wonder if they know that i get out of bed every morning just because i know that they'll be a part of my day and if they knew would that creep them out...i recently told laci and joanne that, like that when they call me to hang out i get super duper excited because i'm never sure how i fit in with them cuz we run in totally opposite circles except the three of us or whatever, but then i was all excited cuz they told me how much they love me and it jsut makes you so happy, but everytime i meet someone new i get this nervous anxious feeling because i'm so excited that i can add them to my list of people i absolutely love so much i can't speak but i wonder if all my love toward them is too much at first, u know before they get to know me as that person who's just like that, u know the whole "o that's just melanie" thing well new people haven't caught on often and i get so nervous my stomach makes crazy flip-flops because i want so badly for them to like me and accept me and all my quirky flaws and i want so badly for them to think i'm as totally great as i think they are and i worry that they'll not reach that level, that they'll just think hey she's a kook but not bad to have around on occasion but i don't want to add her to my favorites list-ever...and i know like em was saying why that is, that i'm just not as daring as i used to be because not only am i slightly out of practice but i just feel a little bit uneasy from past experiences, which u know everyone has by this point....ugh and it's like i can handle if a person doesn't like me i spose but it just bothers me that i couldn't just act cool u know like i couldn't just put on one of those crazy-calm facades and let them ease into me..but that's not really right of me either i mean they should get to know the real me right off cuz i mean it's not really cool to be like o this is me-not...i don't know...i just get so nervous, i get so scared and whiney and so unlike myself...i swear i used to be confident, at least i think so, i think i used to be more forward...it worked for me then it can work for me now can't it? i love people i love to be around all kinds of people they interest me, heck why am i not taking sociology? ugh but then i think of the people i've turned down and i cringe...it makes me cringe to think of me making anyone feel uncomfortable or unwanted or like they aren't good enuf, i don't want anyone to ever feel any pain u know, and i wonder if the people that i want so much to be acceptable for feel the same way i do about the people who vy for my attention... like i wonder if i'm intolerable to be around, i mean sure my friends are going to tell me no but really i could be a totally dweeb and not even know it and be like asking for my own defeat by looking to what i can only assume is above my own bracket..and then u hear about how attractive it is when people are ultra confident and sure of themselves and go-getters, well i'm not like that anymore, and i could explain why but i'm just not really sure...::deep breath:: calm, calm yourself u big bafoon! and like my pal Ester says "remember....everybody loves a nut, but the WHOLE WORLD loves a weirdo" (she says it's from a song but shoot, i think more people should know that phrase!)
changedfish- what if it was my birthday?
posted by changedfish @ 9:59 PM
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