wow, it's been forever and a day since i've posted - i guess now that i can speak i don't need to blog...which is oddly true, i was so inverted and self-contemplative through all of that and now i can talk things through with people more so i dont' feel the need to work them out through type but just because i'm not silent doesn't mean i'm not wrestling through some stuff and i need to write it down so i even know what i'm working through.
number one on my heart always seems to be worrying about the future- and i know the bible explicitly says not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough to deal with (extreme paraphrase btw) but it's still on my mind and heart. i'm doing this internship over the summer at home at lifelight and that's all well and good but in order to get the requirements done for school i need to read like 120 pages about my internship topic or whatever and the prof in charge had said that training could count for that back when i was doing it at miami valley (here in ohio) but now that i'm not i was still going to do their training and to be completely honest i was hoping to do their training but not actually work for them- which is a terrible thing to do to them because they need workers too adn why would they train someone to do a job when that person wasn't going to work there you know. and so they kind of had it all worked out so that i could do the training in april and my orientation in august and then start working in like september and it would be all fine and dandy but the big thing is that i'd need to GET to the internship and i don't have a car and i cannot actually expect that someone will drive me there often enough to be of any help to them or to have regular clients you know and so it's like that's probably out of the question but rather than just being honest and telling these people that i continue to feel guilty all the while hoping for a miraculous change of heart by my mother so that i'll end up with a vehicle here next year (doubtful but a girl can dream)
which speaking of the car my plan for being able to move out of this place next may is to have jess come home with me for spring break next year and then we'll drive it back together and i can pack it up at the end of the year and drive it back (hopefully with stef flying out to ohio and coming back with me)- i like the plan but we'll see what the parentals think about its feasibility. the only other thing i guess i could do is fly out for easter and spend the whole easter break driving but i don't really want to do that so we'll just see. i guess the big thing is i don't truly want to drive cross-country with one of my parents, i know that they would probably think it would be a great idea and maybe it would be but they don't realize that i haven't spent that much straight time with them in a while and it would be a pretty small confined space...we'll see, it's a long ways off.
speaking of a long ways off (i like all my transitions) grad school or no grad school, that is the question. i totally flit back and forth on it, one moment i'm totally no and the next i'm an absolute yes. right now i'm on a yes cycle, i just think that while i'm in the school mode i should go and do it and that i won't regret it but it's another one of those decisions that alters your life you know like where am i going to go and i'm i going to get a counseling degree or a social work degree and i'm i going to plan on a doctorate- which could either be a phd or a psyd- and do i want to go secular or religious...like there's just so much that goes into it and i think that's something i'll need to work out this summer, at least narrowing it down to 5 or less that i want to apply to and then praying hard that i get into one but perhaps praying even harder that i only get into one so that my decision is made for me haha.
along with that comes the financial conversation, do my parents want to pay for grad school or should i be paying for that, if i'm paying for it am i going to work my way through or rely more on loans and then there's the idea of where i'm going to live and how i'm going to support myself and how am i going to pay for gas and groceries because i'm sure i won't be living on campus especially not like i am here at cedarville where i have a meal plan and no where to go and such. and then there's the idea that if i'm going to grad school this sad computer that i've been lugging along for my CU career is just not going to last, back in the day my only plans for life was that i wanted to get a laptop as a graduation present and now i'm like, but wait what about how you still drive the car your parents own or how you don't have a job adn they pay all your bills and insurance, etc etc and how you don't know how to be a real adult or how to manage money all that well and...it just gets overwhelming
i know i shouldn't worry about all this stuff but that doesn't mean i don't, i mean it's all coming up
and then there's this whole thing about how i registered for classes and now i'm second guessing what i signed up for- how ridiculous is that but i'm looking at next years schedule and it's mighty busy looking even though i'm taking the fewest credits i've ever taken and i'm looking at the openings for PEACE project officers and the fact that Sanctify is just taking off and how i want to continue with STARS and i may pick up extra shifts for work and i'm hoping breakdown will actually have some performances, etc etc etc and then i think things like that i'll have time to work at miami valley? like i don't think that's all going to happen (so maybe it's a blessing that i wont' have a car and i can check one more thing off of my list for next semester) i jsut don't know if i can keep all these classes on my plate but i'm only signed up for 14 credits and i need 12 to be full-time so if it's too much i won't be able to drop one....i need to go through the courses and see what's open and maybe re-think the whole missions minor thing, especially if i want to go to a state school for grad school because they don't care about the missions minor they'd rather i had more psych and counseling classes...hmm maybe that's what i'll do next, so much for the whole sleeping thing but you know tomorrow's friday and i can sleep when i'm old? (yeah when i'm old i'm sure i'll be just as busy so i dont' know why i always say that)
changedfish-sometimes questions don't come with answers, sometimes problems don't have solutions...at least not right away
number one on my heart always seems to be worrying about the future- and i know the bible explicitly says not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough to deal with (extreme paraphrase btw) but it's still on my mind and heart. i'm doing this internship over the summer at home at lifelight and that's all well and good but in order to get the requirements done for school i need to read like 120 pages about my internship topic or whatever and the prof in charge had said that training could count for that back when i was doing it at miami valley (here in ohio) but now that i'm not i was still going to do their training and to be completely honest i was hoping to do their training but not actually work for them- which is a terrible thing to do to them because they need workers too adn why would they train someone to do a job when that person wasn't going to work there you know. and so they kind of had it all worked out so that i could do the training in april and my orientation in august and then start working in like september and it would be all fine and dandy but the big thing is that i'd need to GET to the internship and i don't have a car and i cannot actually expect that someone will drive me there often enough to be of any help to them or to have regular clients you know and so it's like that's probably out of the question but rather than just being honest and telling these people that i continue to feel guilty all the while hoping for a miraculous change of heart by my mother so that i'll end up with a vehicle here next year (doubtful but a girl can dream)
which speaking of the car my plan for being able to move out of this place next may is to have jess come home with me for spring break next year and then we'll drive it back together and i can pack it up at the end of the year and drive it back (hopefully with stef flying out to ohio and coming back with me)- i like the plan but we'll see what the parentals think about its feasibility. the only other thing i guess i could do is fly out for easter and spend the whole easter break driving but i don't really want to do that so we'll just see. i guess the big thing is i don't truly want to drive cross-country with one of my parents, i know that they would probably think it would be a great idea and maybe it would be but they don't realize that i haven't spent that much straight time with them in a while and it would be a pretty small confined space...we'll see, it's a long ways off.
speaking of a long ways off (i like all my transitions) grad school or no grad school, that is the question. i totally flit back and forth on it, one moment i'm totally no and the next i'm an absolute yes. right now i'm on a yes cycle, i just think that while i'm in the school mode i should go and do it and that i won't regret it but it's another one of those decisions that alters your life you know like where am i going to go and i'm i going to get a counseling degree or a social work degree and i'm i going to plan on a doctorate- which could either be a phd or a psyd- and do i want to go secular or religious...like there's just so much that goes into it and i think that's something i'll need to work out this summer, at least narrowing it down to 5 or less that i want to apply to and then praying hard that i get into one but perhaps praying even harder that i only get into one so that my decision is made for me haha.
along with that comes the financial conversation, do my parents want to pay for grad school or should i be paying for that, if i'm paying for it am i going to work my way through or rely more on loans and then there's the idea of where i'm going to live and how i'm going to support myself and how am i going to pay for gas and groceries because i'm sure i won't be living on campus especially not like i am here at cedarville where i have a meal plan and no where to go and such. and then there's the idea that if i'm going to grad school this sad computer that i've been lugging along for my CU career is just not going to last, back in the day my only plans for life was that i wanted to get a laptop as a graduation present and now i'm like, but wait what about how you still drive the car your parents own or how you don't have a job adn they pay all your bills and insurance, etc etc and how you don't know how to be a real adult or how to manage money all that well and...it just gets overwhelming
i know i shouldn't worry about all this stuff but that doesn't mean i don't, i mean it's all coming up
and then there's this whole thing about how i registered for classes and now i'm second guessing what i signed up for- how ridiculous is that but i'm looking at next years schedule and it's mighty busy looking even though i'm taking the fewest credits i've ever taken and i'm looking at the openings for PEACE project officers and the fact that Sanctify is just taking off and how i want to continue with STARS and i may pick up extra shifts for work and i'm hoping breakdown will actually have some performances, etc etc etc and then i think things like that i'll have time to work at miami valley? like i don't think that's all going to happen (so maybe it's a blessing that i wont' have a car and i can check one more thing off of my list for next semester) i jsut don't know if i can keep all these classes on my plate but i'm only signed up for 14 credits and i need 12 to be full-time so if it's too much i won't be able to drop one....i need to go through the courses and see what's open and maybe re-think the whole missions minor thing, especially if i want to go to a state school for grad school because they don't care about the missions minor they'd rather i had more psych and counseling classes...hmm maybe that's what i'll do next, so much for the whole sleeping thing but you know tomorrow's friday and i can sleep when i'm old? (yeah when i'm old i'm sure i'll be just as busy so i dont' know why i always say that)
changedfish-sometimes questions don't come with answers, sometimes problems don't have solutions...at least not right away
posted by changedfish @ 12:11 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home