for the love of my life, mi vida
i was sitting here about to write and stef says "write about me on your blog" and so i thought well, what else was i thinking about writing about anyhow? i might as well make it a stef shrine."
actually i thought about having a stef blog a while back but you know, i didn't. cuz i'm a psycho and generally start blogs just for specific people (ok for guys, that's right i'm a crazy staulker that should be put in a hall of shame, i write about boys) and since stef doesn't have an email address and doesn't ever write in her own blog (i think she forgets she has it) i thought i should open one for her, because it's just crazy how often i'm sitting at home doing something and i think "i wish stef heard that" or "omgsh i need to tell stef about that" or "where's stefanie when i need her?" so i thought it would be a good home base for all of that, then i realized that she'd prolly check it quite seldomly and the posts would be old and not so much on the funny side anymore and so instead my idea was, i should keep a stef list, a list of all the things i have to tell her, like when i find out a funny anecdote about a person or a name-drop or something, i could write it down so that i would remember to tell her...but i never did that, i just make mental notes, and then forget them promptly. it actually happened to me just this morning, i KNOW there was something i was supposed to tell or give to stefanie and i have NO IDEA what...i don't even remember if it was something of hers i have and need to return or if it was something i needed to tell her- i just remember needing her last night and knowing she wasn't going to the skate night so i wouldn't be able to tell her...it was probably something about me being the fat spice or something
which by the way, to change the subject last nite was the roller skate nite for my college connection, it was actually surprisingly fun, i mean not that i thought it would be a flop or anything, it was the best two dollars i've spent in a long time, but i was just kind of shocked at the turn out, i thought only a few people would show up but like half the group was there, it was prolly a good money maker, ok or at least i hope we came out even. my homeroom was the 90's so we had the entire spice girls posse present, i got to be sporty spice, being as she actually wears clothes a lot of the time and cuz my name is mel c and her's is as well..but then i decided i was also the fat spice because the other girls that did it with me were like the chairpersons of bean poles annonymous...not that i minded too much i mean all i had to do was wear warm ups and a tank top so how much is really expected from the fat spice?

moving on completely, shoot i haven't written in a while and now i just can't stop, i'm sorry, your allowed to skim/zone out/stop reading, or whatever.

college, you'll all be happy to know i now have all my applications in and finished and got an acceptance from whitworth (in spokane) though i highly doubt i'll go there, they don't mention much about God in any of their brochures or anything and it's like the people who teach there are christian but the people that go don't have to be and i don't want to sound uber closed minded or anything like non-chistians shouldn't go to college, but that's the whole point of me applying to these ultra conservative schools, i want to go to a private college where all the people believe the same things i do, and then i can return to the real world and do as i please you know, i mean i don't see the huge deal with me wanting to spend some of the most formative years of my life in an environment where i will be supported and uplifted and nurtured and all of those things i mean i want to feel like i have the stongest faith i can have when i go out into the "real world" and not feel like i've spent my college years struggling to stay grounded while being blown about in all directions, i just don't see how that's going to help me reach people when i'm not totally sure even what i believe about some things. for me to go to public school would be fine, i mean i'm not knocking public education, heck i've been a public school kid since kindergarten, why stop now eh? but if i have the opportunity to minor in bible i get upset that people think i shouldn't do so. people think i'm being closed minded or that i'm hiding in a tunnel or not escaping my bubble but that's just the thing, i've been outside of my fish bowl so long i scarcely remember what it feels like, the way it smells or how it feels to be surrounded with just those people.

next subject (y'all are gonna have to take breaks for food and water the way this is going)
this summer: peace or extirpation as lysistrata would say
i think i'm going up to camp, but i'm not sure, i mean i only filled in last summer so it's not like i have tenure or anything so it's not like there exactly expecting me full time right? except hopefully they are because if i put in all that time and they're not even going to consider me... i highly doubt that for some reason. now here's the dilema: do i want to be at camp full time? i mean that's been like my goal all year, i always talk about being away all summer and camp and how that's the best place on earth (and it is by the way) but it is also my last summer at home and with these people, i mean we're all going seperate places (some across the country-who does that?) and me being away 6 or 7 weeks over the summer, well it doesn't leave much time at home. then there's china..i mean ok so this is a new thing but at church on sunday charlotte jones was telling us about this missions organization she's involved with i think it's footsteps ministries or something like and how she goes to southeast asia each summer and teaches english and other things to the children there, and it just kind of struck a cord with me, she told us that they're doing a week-10 day long thing at simpson this summer where they're bringing the tiawanese children to the states and if i wanted not to go to china then i could do that i suppose. but i mean o my goodness, how amazing would it be to go to china and teach english for three weeks this summer...it's less time away, it's just generally cool, and a great story; and i would just LOVE to do that! problem with that is it costs like two thousand dollars and so rather than making money this summer (when it's needed to fund me in college) i'd be losing it, and i could probably raise some and i could probably get another job if i'm not at camp but taking three weeks off when you've just been hired, kind of a problem....o gosh i just don't know, i mean is it leaving camp in the lurch if i step down? and really do i even want to do that, i mean if i don't counsel this summer i don't know if i'll be able to do it next summer which is what i would want to do! i was thinking that i should send paul an email and just tell him that if he needs me to sub this summer again i would understand but at the same time i am taking this lifeguarding class and i know he needs lifeguards at camp because thus far he's the only one and uh, we have like 100+ kids with one lifeguard,-not exactly ok....so he might want me, but i dont' know that, because camp is like that...
here's the problem (ok there just is more than one problem so i'm going to list them all aight and if i want to say "here's the problem" seven times then so be it) if i want to go to china i have to put in a payment in march and all the money has to be in by april, and knowing paul's schedule with camp and everything i won't prolly know if he even needs me untill march or april so that just doesn't work and i just don't know what to do ok?...if i'm going to have to pay all that money i'd need to start raising it now and if i start raising it now then that means i have to go because other wise it's just stealing or fraud or something so.....any suggestions?

changedfish- and it all comes down to finances...stupid americans