the point
sometimes that's a question you have to ask yourself...what's the point?
the problem arises when you can't answer that question. if you don't know what the point is, there probably isn't one. the problem comes in when you can think of the point but the point isn't valid, i mean sure you know what the point of the action is but does that really give you the go-ahead to, well to go ahead? i mean often times i understand what the suspected outcome is of the things i do but that doesn't neccesarily mean it's an action i should be taking. so i suppose a better question isn't what's the point but is this point one you want to make? or is this going to have a positive effect? or is this a point you want to portray? sometimes yes, sometimes no...sometimes there's a gray area: enter the underlying problem.
Master's College.
it's an amazing place, i visited there last spring and it's just one of those amazing places that makes you want to go there- problems: it doesn't have my major, it buys into the very doctrinal point my family left my last church for and it's quite expensive. bonus: i love the campus, it's fairly close to home (within the state) i know a few people attending, i could always transfer or change my major, it could be a good experience. dilema: application. if i do turn it in (which at this moment is virtually just a click of a button) or not? why not you're thinking, well because i don't know that i could turn down an acceptance. i'm honestly afriad to turn in the application because i'm afraid to get accepted. how weird is that, most people are afraid of rejection, well i'm not. i mean in my mind i just don't see not getting in, it's not like i applied to stanford or harvard or anything it shouldn't be too hard with my acedemic record and all but what if they do accept me..then do i go? i think i'd rather go to cedarville. problems: it's in ohio, and i don't know anyone there (or within a 10 state radius or so). bonus: has my major, good recommendations from alumni, doctrine agrees with that of my current church and it's about $10,000 cheaper than master's. dilema: i really want to go but it's REALLY far away..can i really be that far from everything i've ever known? i mean how hard is it going to be when everyone is a plane ride away...on the other hand that will probably be the case either way...now then there's also whitworth which is kinda my saftey but i'm not strongly considering it unless magically that's my only acceptance or something then i'll take it as a sign from above.
i'm scared to go to college at all. i mean i could always just stay at shasta ya'know like that would be easy, cheap, logical...but when i talked to my mom the other day she was saying how yea shasta is cheaper and it's close to home and it makes sense, but on the other hand she can tell that i'm just so ready to go and she wounldn't want to keep me here if i could flourish so well somewhere else. she loves me enough to let me go i guess. kinda makes me tear up that she can look me in the eye, her baby, her last child at home, her little punkin and say go ahead and go, your dad and i will figure out the finances, just take your pick and we'll make it happen because we love you and we believe in you and we know this is what you should do.
i suppose i just need to spend some knee time on this but gosh i just...i really think cedarville is the place for me but does that mean i should shut the door on master's? i mean my whole philosophy on college was not to shut any doors...but i'm not sure which is scarier, not sending it in at all and never knowing if i would've gotten in, or getting an acceptance and turning it down.
pray for me y'all this is the stuff dreams are made of..and some nightmares too-changedfish