FREAK OUT
you know that song? i don't believe i know any other words except those two..but they pretty much are the best so who needs the rest of the lyrics?

anyhow, basically life is freaking me out lately..i mean it's not exactly like i'm under loads of stress but i have this cloud over me all the time. it's not an emo-depressing cloud it's just one of those hazes that makes me so stressed. it's like all of a sudden everything i do is important. don't screw up because this is the last of it ya no. like my grades and my college apps and scholarships and homework and senior project and friendships and family and it's like AHH...stef and i were watching some OC this weekend and i was watching the part where marissa just flips out and screams and throws all the stuff in the pool and totally understanding how that is. i've had my family members mention more than once that i've been a bit more than irritable lately and they keep asking me what's wrong and i keep telling them nothing because in all reality it is nothing, nothing is worng, life's going well and it's not like something i can pin down it's just this giant thing i can't grasp. it's like something's wrong but i don't even know what it is and that scares me, it's like something is bothering me subconciously...i don't like to be an upset person and so all day at school i make such efforts to be myself and keep up appearances like always but as is my habit i come home and am like this overstreched balloon that you can't even blow on or it explodes and it's hurting my relationship with my parents, mainly my mother, because she can't figure out why i keep freaking out on her, and what's she supposed to do, say it's ok for you to use that tone with me i know you're upset? no she's got to be a parent, i can't blame her for that can i? it's just i feel like i'm not in control, and then you know how it is when you have so many things in life that you have to do and the list is so huge that you end up just sitting there staring at it? well i've been doing that a little bit, i mean actually i've been getting more things done than ever lately but at the same time it doesn't matter because there's so many other things that i'm not getting done that it really just doesn't even out. not that i'm going for sympathy here, this isn't really meant to be some sort of compliant or whine-fest, because it's not anything i can't handle in reality, i mean obviously i've had enough time in my day today to go work out and write this blog so really i've got excess haha, cept i haven't finished all my homework yet...and i was supposed to go by admissions today and i didn't...but i can tomorrow, no let's restate that , i WILL go by admissions tomorrow.
ok, i'm out-changedfish