The longer you live the more confusing life gets!
ok, so it seems that the farther along in life i go, the more complex my problems are, i mean, don't u remember how simple things used to be when the reasons you cried were because you couldn't reach the counter! THOSE WERE THE DAYS! i mean, sure life's hard for you at every level, but ur problems rn't catastrophic to your well-being! nehow, i always seem to talk about my horrendous problems (like my spelling problem for instance!) but truthfully life's not that bad. i mean, sure my rents wanna send me in for counseling (turns out i'm "hostile" toward people! who knew?) and my friends r ultra-gossipy and turning on eachother (and me!) ok, and so no guy that i've come in contact with (with the exception of crazy jr. d and those that live hours away) want anything romantically to do w/me, o ya, and i did i mention i have a low self-esteem? wutev...besides all that! i'm fine, things rn't horrible, i have a family, i have friends, i mean, i'm living and living well! so y am i always complaining? i blame things on everyone,but me! and i really should realize that i screw myself over sooo much more! i mean, i don't do anything good for myself, everything i do, is generally wrong, and i mess up more times a day (at everything) than i can count! but that's just me, and i've learned to except me, and i've learned to let it go! this year's been a really "growing" year for me, i've found out a lot of things about myself and about others, and about me and others lol! but really i've learned so much it's great! but it seems to me that the more i know the less i want to remember, i'd rather be naive and as bad as that sounds it's true...the ol' youth group joke about my gullablness, is "she's not gullable! just trusting!" and it's true, i have a ton of trust for people! and for everything in life, i just generally feel that things will work out and people r good inside and out and they rn't out to get me, but lately i've been feeling really mad all the time, and i don't like it! i've been gossiping and i've been insulting people (not to their face, but still...) i mean, i didn't use to be like this, and it's not as if all of it's bad even! i mean lace'll always be proud of her hand in my corruption, and i don't mind that they've ceased to call me "good little christian girl" but in a way i feel that i've strayed from my standards and that's not good! i don't know i don't know i don't know! (i say that WAY too much!) if i knew i'd tell you, i'd tell all of you, i'd share it with the world and beyond, but i DON'T know, and i may never know anything, while also knowing everything (it's a complicated emotion!) anyhow.....i'm just GRRRRR!!! with life right now, mainly cuz i don't have anyone to vent to, because venting requires sharing y i'm venting, and there's so many things! i just can't get it all in, and i don't like to talk badly about things and people, so it doesn't work, and that's y i'm typing a zillion words a minute trying to get my point across when i dont' even know wut it is!! I'M LOSING MY MIND!! wutev, i gotta go make a phone call, peace, love, word, wutev, changedfish
p.s. finding nemo ey? i know nemo! don't worry about it i'm ov (that's my lil' insider story for the day!)