sheesh, haven't written in a day or more...i dunno what to do w/myself lol
lotta things going on and somehow i can't think of what order they go in, like i dunno how to write down what's important, cuz sometimes what's on ur mind isn't always what is important and then people start thinking it is and ya....
i guess i care too much about what others think, i mean to a certain extent i think of it as a good thing, like if i care what they think it's a sort of an accountablity bit...but then there's many times when i care too much and it's not fun! i mean sometimes i wanna wear what i wanna wear, and i wanna say what i wanna say, and i wanna hang out w/who i wanna hang out with and i don't want others butting into it and being like "now melanie, r u sure about what ur doing?" i'm like YES! i wouldn't do it if it were detrimental to my well being, but i have a thing about me where i dont wanna make any waves and i want everyone to be happy and stuff and i spend too much time accomidating, and then if i fix one thing it blows up another thing and that whole ripple effect business becomes very real.
hehe funny i noticed something within the past couple months, that i talked about today w/a friend..i'm really apologetic, and it's almost a bad thing i mean i make people feel guitly cuz i'm always apologizing...but it's just i want to come across as the nice person i'm trying to be...and i dunno i don't wanna make anyone mad at me, so i say sorry a lot
luckily my life has died down this week, no phone calls, very few emails or love confessions lol, not any name calling as of yet, and camp is right around the corner so what could be bad about that? nothing! i hope! (knocking on wood at this moment)
i think the thing i like most about camp is that my regular lifestyle isnt there, and the normal people rn't there and i can escape the drama of life! and when i come back it'll be my b-day and i'll getta take my driving test and hopefully (fingers crossed) i'll pass and be a lisenced driver!!
goodness...i need to stop rethinking things, i mean i think about what has been a bitta too much! like it seems my brain has some sorta trigger button for the past, that someone says something or whatever and i think about old things, things that never were, things that were, wutev, i think...and most of the time it's ok, in fact most of the time i think it's a good thing--for a while, as long as i can get the thot thro in regulation time and not be thinking about it for days (which rarely ever happens, i mean the getting it thro thing) i dunno, it's like u go thro life and there r little stops along the way that made you who you are and i like to revisit them but sometimes i feel guilty like i'm not supposed to go back to yesterday and i'm supposed to focus on tomorrow, and i'm a better back-peddler...i mean it's not like i'm going to try and retrace my steps or i'm going to try to make the past the future it's just, i think...i think a lot, and i'm thinking i'm not the only one that thinks fondly of their olden days, i mean u can't convince me that i'm the only person that ever looked over her shoulder!
i dunno..i made a neato shirt today, it says "RHINO MINO" i'm soo psyched to wear it, i got a buncha stuff to make other ones too! so hopefully i'll neva have to go shopping...eva! lol cuz i hate shoppping!
long post makes for good reads, the bubbles stopped blowing, the fish must be tired, changedfish!