u no there was a time (jan 9 entry) wen i thot that "firsts" were the biggest deal on the face of the earth (well, maybe not THAT big, but u no wut i mean) i thot that wen some big first happened it would be this huge monumental thing, and it was going to be awkward and it was going to be sooo much harder cuz i never had......well, it wasn't, and u no wut, i thank God for that, i am SOOO GLAD that it wasn't awkward that it wasn't made this huge deal, becuz it could have been, he knew it was a first, and that would have made me sooo nervous and so self-conscience the whole time!.....i'm so glad it was who it was and it went the way it did, i couldn't have asked for anything better, and i definately expected it to be worse (not the actual act, but the event, anyway, n/m) lol! but it was perfect for me! ****i don't want u all to think i am some slut that just had sex or something, no no no, NOTHING LIKE THAT!!! it was just my first kiss thats all (or rather, first kisses)**** anyhow, i wanted to write it down, to cataloge it and remember, and be able to talk about it, cuz i no there's no way i'm going to be able to share the story w/my friends, for many reasons, such as 1 i'd be the first of the first and they may not appriciate that 2 this wasn't one'a those public things, and my friends don't always no the differance ya and i don't have a 3 yet, also there is NO WAY i'm talking about it w/my family, cuz they have plenty of things to tease me about already, i don't need to add to the list; and well if i'm not talking about it w/my friends or my family, then who's left?...exactly, my journal! and so that's where i'm putting my thots at....anyhow, i had a great nite last nite, hope u all did too....changedfish