it shouldn't be this hard...
to be friends and nothing more with a person.
allow me to explain, i have a chronic friendliness problem. i don't say this as a big headed i'm so friendly thing, i just have a compulsion to be nice to each and every person i come into contact with. now this sounds like it would be a good thing but u see i also have this overwhelming need to be a friend to the friendless, and not to sound 100% evil but sometimes there are actual reasons that those people don't have friends, it's true, that's not even meant to be mean, just a fact.
the problem arises when this need to please flows over to the gentlemen side of things, u see those who don't hang out with a lot of members of the opposite sex can often interpret certain gestures incorrectly. for instance, asking for help with homework- not an excuse to talk to you, i'm just dumb and need help. laughing at ur jokes- sometimes ur just funny. borrowing a pen, pencil, or paper, etc.- sometimes ur the closest person to me and i need supplies, it's not me wanting to jack ur DNA off a bic.
ok, so throughout the course of my high school years i have come into contact with several members of the male species who shall remain nameless who've misinterpreted my everyday actions as some crazy waves of love and have gotten interested in being more than "that one guy in my 4th period" and that is where the alarm goes off. requests for hugs, phone numbers, email addresses, or time spent outside of class, generally come equiped with little red flags.
now, somehow in my mind i think that being kind and friendly, and yet saying no thank you, would mean that i'm not interested but i'm a nice person and they can still be civil with me. however, i've found that a passive no thank you means either: a) try harder, i'm totally interested b) i'm evil and deserve to be loathed by you and everyone you know or c) call me every single day- maybe i'll change my mind right?...ok so every-so-often i get a less than aggressive reaction for a temporary period of time but it lately occured to me, due to a less than polite encounter by one of those referred to above, that even if i'm kind and considerate, complimentary and even nonchalant about the whole deal none of these boys can ever bring themselves to forgive me.
i just don't get it? what does a girl have to do in order not to send off the "i'm into u" vibe? and why are guys so aggressive these days and all go gettem, i mean if ur going to be asking me out don't u think u should be totally sure that i'm into you and going to say yes? i mean it takes a LOT of guts for a guy to ask a girl to hang out one-on-one and i get this, which is why i hate having to say 'uh that'd be fun but it sounds kind of date-ish and i'm not into that.' because no matter how u say it either they don't get it or they feel all rejected and dumb..and i don't MEAN to sound condesending or i'm so too good for that or anything of the sort, i mean exactly what i say (which i know is rare for most girls but since when am i most girls?)
on a side note, all of the above does not mean that i'm anti-dating, it does not mean that i think i'm amazing and all guys want me, it does not mean that i'm a tease or that i lurk in the hallways to attack less than social guys and over power them with my bright smile and force them to confess love and then slam them down to the pavement. i only meant to express my utter frustration that there is not a better way to avoid the always awkard rejection.
changedfish- feeling wordy
to be friends and nothing more with a person.
allow me to explain, i have a chronic friendliness problem. i don't say this as a big headed i'm so friendly thing, i just have a compulsion to be nice to each and every person i come into contact with. now this sounds like it would be a good thing but u see i also have this overwhelming need to be a friend to the friendless, and not to sound 100% evil but sometimes there are actual reasons that those people don't have friends, it's true, that's not even meant to be mean, just a fact.
the problem arises when this need to please flows over to the gentlemen side of things, u see those who don't hang out with a lot of members of the opposite sex can often interpret certain gestures incorrectly. for instance, asking for help with homework- not an excuse to talk to you, i'm just dumb and need help. laughing at ur jokes- sometimes ur just funny. borrowing a pen, pencil, or paper, etc.- sometimes ur the closest person to me and i need supplies, it's not me wanting to jack ur DNA off a bic.
ok, so throughout the course of my high school years i have come into contact with several members of the male species who shall remain nameless who've misinterpreted my everyday actions as some crazy waves of love and have gotten interested in being more than "that one guy in my 4th period" and that is where the alarm goes off. requests for hugs, phone numbers, email addresses, or time spent outside of class, generally come equiped with little red flags.
now, somehow in my mind i think that being kind and friendly, and yet saying no thank you, would mean that i'm not interested but i'm a nice person and they can still be civil with me. however, i've found that a passive no thank you means either: a) try harder, i'm totally interested b) i'm evil and deserve to be loathed by you and everyone you know or c) call me every single day- maybe i'll change my mind right?...ok so every-so-often i get a less than aggressive reaction for a temporary period of time but it lately occured to me, due to a less than polite encounter by one of those referred to above, that even if i'm kind and considerate, complimentary and even nonchalant about the whole deal none of these boys can ever bring themselves to forgive me.
i just don't get it? what does a girl have to do in order not to send off the "i'm into u" vibe? and why are guys so aggressive these days and all go gettem, i mean if ur going to be asking me out don't u think u should be totally sure that i'm into you and going to say yes? i mean it takes a LOT of guts for a guy to ask a girl to hang out one-on-one and i get this, which is why i hate having to say 'uh that'd be fun but it sounds kind of date-ish and i'm not into that.' because no matter how u say it either they don't get it or they feel all rejected and dumb..and i don't MEAN to sound condesending or i'm so too good for that or anything of the sort, i mean exactly what i say (which i know is rare for most girls but since when am i most girls?)
on a side note, all of the above does not mean that i'm anti-dating, it does not mean that i think i'm amazing and all guys want me, it does not mean that i'm a tease or that i lurk in the hallways to attack less than social guys and over power them with my bright smile and force them to confess love and then slam them down to the pavement. i only meant to express my utter frustration that there is not a better way to avoid the always awkard rejection.
changedfish- feeling wordy
posted by changedfish @ 8:10 PM
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