the overflow
so i've decided (due to many different contributing factors) that for me crying and sex bare a striking similarity...yes, i know this is QUITE the leap for one brain to make, but...that doesn't mean it's illogical..ok get this right i mean the hype on ur first sexual encounter is unchartable, i mean the pressure is crazy, and even tho i've pledged celebasy till marriage it doesn't make the pressure or the build any less, if anything it makes it greater, i mean how much more disillutioned will i be at that point in time? now i shall try and help relate this to my tears. i've decided that since it's been so dang long since i've allowed myself to let the water fall that i'm like a crying virgin and now i feel like in order for me to cry it has to be this huge tragedy that rocks the world or at least my personal world..when in reality major issues don't phase me, i have to loose of a grasp on reality that all things monumental become too surreal to effect me emotionally. i mean 9/11-not a drop, tsunami-nothing, hurricane- nada, my grandmother died, as did jen swenson, as did millions of people across the globe and yet none of those things register the tiniest mark on my scale....i know i'm a freak, u don't have to point it out to me, that the things taht get me the most rilied up are the most superficial unimportant things that a person could get upset over and still attempt to label herself as remotely mature. u don't have to iron it on a t-shirt for me to get that i'm really not the cry-all-the-time girl i'm expected to me - it's not like i haven't watched countless examples of that exact steriotype in my life...not that i live with one or anything, she only visits on weekends remember? i just feel that i've let myself go so long that there's all this build and i expect to have to wait until the huge climax of life to let it all go..i mean what's it going to take for me to finally feel it's ok to show emotion...i practically pride myself on the fact that i'm so heartless and void of eye-water. it's like, somehow i feel that if i were to let my guard down then i'd need to document it adn if it's not some huge big deal then it'll seem totally vain and i dunno...it's this huge cycle..and that's why i relate it to sex, i know back to the untouchable subject, but honeslty, i'm reading this book about the virginous brainiac girl who has all these skanky friends and they keep telling her that the longer she waits the more pressure there is and the better it has to be and therefore it's gonna be a let down and all this, and not that it's convincing me to abandon my morals, rather i'm realizing that superficial high school sex is not even close to the way i want to go down in the books...however it relates to another area of my life...crying, now tell me there's no connection? there o'so totally is! i mean yes i have cried before in my life, but as of my entire high school career there's been nothing, and it's truly tragic, i mean maybe i just haven't had a very soap opera-ey life, but that's all the more reason to be thankful for the friends i have and the life i lead......i dont'e ven know where i'm going with this, i just thot it was an insightful analogy and one that should be put into physical words....
changedfish- the tear virgin
so i've decided (due to many different contributing factors) that for me crying and sex bare a striking similarity...yes, i know this is QUITE the leap for one brain to make, but...that doesn't mean it's illogical..ok get this right i mean the hype on ur first sexual encounter is unchartable, i mean the pressure is crazy, and even tho i've pledged celebasy till marriage it doesn't make the pressure or the build any less, if anything it makes it greater, i mean how much more disillutioned will i be at that point in time? now i shall try and help relate this to my tears. i've decided that since it's been so dang long since i've allowed myself to let the water fall that i'm like a crying virgin and now i feel like in order for me to cry it has to be this huge tragedy that rocks the world or at least my personal world..when in reality major issues don't phase me, i have to loose of a grasp on reality that all things monumental become too surreal to effect me emotionally. i mean 9/11-not a drop, tsunami-nothing, hurricane- nada, my grandmother died, as did jen swenson, as did millions of people across the globe and yet none of those things register the tiniest mark on my scale....i know i'm a freak, u don't have to point it out to me, that the things taht get me the most rilied up are the most superficial unimportant things that a person could get upset over and still attempt to label herself as remotely mature. u don't have to iron it on a t-shirt for me to get that i'm really not the cry-all-the-time girl i'm expected to me - it's not like i haven't watched countless examples of that exact steriotype in my life...not that i live with one or anything, she only visits on weekends remember? i just feel that i've let myself go so long that there's all this build and i expect to have to wait until the huge climax of life to let it all go..i mean what's it going to take for me to finally feel it's ok to show emotion...i practically pride myself on the fact that i'm so heartless and void of eye-water. it's like, somehow i feel that if i were to let my guard down then i'd need to document it adn if it's not some huge big deal then it'll seem totally vain and i dunno...it's this huge cycle..and that's why i relate it to sex, i know back to the untouchable subject, but honeslty, i'm reading this book about the virginous brainiac girl who has all these skanky friends and they keep telling her that the longer she waits the more pressure there is and the better it has to be and therefore it's gonna be a let down and all this, and not that it's convincing me to abandon my morals, rather i'm realizing that superficial high school sex is not even close to the way i want to go down in the books...however it relates to another area of my life...crying, now tell me there's no connection? there o'so totally is! i mean yes i have cried before in my life, but as of my entire high school career there's been nothing, and it's truly tragic, i mean maybe i just haven't had a very soap opera-ey life, but that's all the more reason to be thankful for the friends i have and the life i lead......i dont'e ven know where i'm going with this, i just thot it was an insightful analogy and one that should be put into physical words....
changedfish- the tear virgin
posted by changedfish @ 7:42 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:38 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Lol. I didn't know where you were going either but it sure sounded good. When it comes to crying don't let the pressure get to you it really isn't that big of a deal. Trust me. Don't tell anyone but . . . *whisper* I cry. Oddly enough it tends not to be about regular sad stuff like Katrina or 9/11 but about smaller single truly sad injustices. For me I would say that it is because sometimes there's just nothing you can do and being that helpless . . . it can drive a man to tears.
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