i hate that feeling when u have too much to do that u don't even want to start doing anything becuase it's so overwhelming, i mean last nite i had a zillion and three things i needed to do and i ended up doing absolutely nothing, and it's boggling to me how i can spend my entire evening being busy all the while getting nothing productive done, and now again tonite i've been sitting at this computer staring at a pretty blank screen for 20 minutes trying to think of what to write down and i just can't think!! i'm so bogged down and there's no sign of relief anytime soon! i mean i need to finish my essay for my camp application becuase if i don't turn that in this week i'm in major trouble and danger of not getting a job there this summer but i just can't think of any angle to come at to write...i mean i'm supposed to write about my christian experience and how i'm growing in my walk with the Lord, and u'd think that'd be an easy topic because i love that topic but it's just i don't want to write the wrong thing! i really want to counsel there this summer and i'm afriad i'll blow it early on and not get a chance, and i know that if it's God's will that i be there that i'll end up there but it's just nerve wracking adn then there's my college history class that i'm supposed to be doing this "guiding questions" for but i haven't really kept up on them as much as i should have and he gives us a chance to turn them in early so that he can pre-grade them and he'll be easier on us but being the procrastinator that i am i'm not really going to be able to use that privilage because tonite is the last nite of the pre-grading thing because all 5 are due next week and the week after that is our mid-term YIKES! i've never really had a college mid-term because my other classes were so easy and no-sweat, but this is serious and i hate myself for not working as hard as i should have outside of that classroom...i knwo how much wiggle room i have in my high school classes but this is such a different environment and if i can't handle this one class how would i survive college connection next year? i mean i want to be able to go into that interview and be confident that they want me for their program but i'm afraid that i'll fail at it...that would just be crushing! and then my car is on the fritz so i keep having to take it in everyday and that's been quite the issue for my car-pool kids, htey really appriciate bussing it after all this time of riding with me, but i suppose they don't care too terribly much. i don't know i just think i've been TOO busy lately, what with my class, youth group, and small group on weeknites and then there's all the social stuff on weekends that i enjoy doing...it's just one of those lame things that happens because now i feel like if i ever get a spare second rather than jumping up and doing some of the work i desperitely need to get ahead on i end up taking a nap or calling a friend or something, which would be worth while investments of my time if i had a bunch of spare time to give away, but truth is i dont....every second is taken by something and if it's not overtaken by things i have to do i waste it with things i don't even want to do but just end up doing...and i'm fully aware that i'm whining right now and i realize that there's nothing that i've said that i really have any reason to complain about because my life is amazing and i have awesome friends that care a lot about me and i have a great family that loves me and everything is going great and there's nothing that i'm going through that's any sort of challenge for God if i can just learn to give all my stress over too him, but maybe that's what the worst of it all is..i haven't had any one-on-one time with God lately and i know i'm slipping away from the relationship i once had with him, and that scares me, becuase if i'm going to be representing my church and my faith up at camp i should really be secure and confident in my faith...but i suppose that's also half of what i'm looking forward to about camp is the other people that are going to be there to help me and there's bible studies and devotional time and all and i think that's the best place to get away from all the junk i get myself into being so in the world and just detach myself adn concentrate on what i really need to be concentrating on....it's just such an important time in my life, sat's r comming and i have to start looking at colleges and asb junk and school and youth group and all these things just keep piling up and no matter how on-task i sometimes appear i'm really drowning in all the red tape of life!
changedfish-fed up and hungry